Numbing...
We all do it...some more than others.
We all have triggers that set it into motion.
It's interesting...I can see myself falling into the patterns of busy-ness and sugar/fat consumption with the current stress with my boys. So if he is numbing it is having a ripple effect.
I have a few hunches about what is bothering him...but he isn't ready to talk about it. I am waiting for an opening to raise some tough questions. I have tried and he goes in other directions, so I know he's not ready yet. Patience.
The 'Thonners' collected over $1200 yesterday. They were really fun to host. They laughed and talked and just brought a really good energy to the house this weekend. I hope they come back again.
I was talking to a friend this morning about a topic he has been asked to discuss at a public event. He has been asked to compare and contrast the life-tasks of individuality and autonomy, specifically at adolescence and old age.
I have been thinking about that today.
I wonder what it would have been like to grow in a household that supported through adolescence. How my life would be different if I hadn't been so quick to make choices, to have the courage to follow my heart, find my leadings.
I chose to overachieve because it got me recognition and gave me a sense of importance and identity. I chose a very practical path to success, rather than exploring options that might have served my life better.
But, you can't change the past.
I pointed out to my friend that many people struggle to surrender their independence as they age because they don't see the value of interdependence. They see asking for help, being publicly vulnerable as a negative. I used myself as an example. I would be so much stronger if I could admit my weaknesses. It is a shame that most of us wait until we are feeble or ill or unable to take care of ourselves before we ask or accept assistance.
Wouldn't it be a different world if we could ask for help even as young adults. How raising children would change if young parents could reach out and say, "I'm not sure how to handle this situation" or "I need 30 minutes for myself". How many professionals would be more effective if they could collaborate and work collectively towards a goal rather than posturing or sabotaging to look better than their coworkers. I know that I sound naive. I just wish the world could be different. I wish that I could be different in some ways.
When my massage therapist friend told me that my energy was swirling with no clear path out I understood that she was making a statement larger than my neck pain. I think that my next challenge is to release all of this energy. To break through that yellow chakra...to put my own will aside and surrender. That's the only way that I can find true release. I am wondering if Reiki or energy medicine would help...or do I have to find this outlet on my own? It's probably going to be up to me at this point...nothing at this level is easy.
I just found my dog lying in a puddle of urine. She was incontinent and didn't realize it. I wonder if the phenobarb is doing this, or if it is something else. She has been showing progressive weakness and/or incoordination this past week. Like, she normally stands up on her back legs to greet me. When she tried to do that yesterday her back end collapsed. She was able to try again and do it. She also is having trouble moving from the backseat of the car to the front which she has done for years when we get to the school trail for a walk. I am afraid of what is happening to her.
Back to the vet tomorrow.
I hope that you had a comfortable First Day.
I love you,
Maggie
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