It's not automatic

Maybe the hard part of unconditional love is facing the fact that it doesn't automatically include liking them.  It is so possible to love people we don't especially like.

And I would like to suggest that if peers question your parenting techniques - peers you respect - then you have reason to get emotional.  But...but, my closest friend from college has been doing brain research and has found that brain chemistry changes at age 25, and with that change come the onset of adult thinking.  Your job, as a mother, is to keep them alive until that process has been established - when they stop thinking they are invulnerable and invincible and that they know everything.  So, basically, their criticism does not count.  Of course, it is hard to ignore.  It just entered my rational mind that maybe, since we weren't adored as children, we want to be adored by our children.  Especially since, when they are very young, they do adore us.  Part of their growing up and leaving us is that we have to go from brilliant and godlike to something so low we can't be seen or acknowledged in public.  Teens like to imagine that they simply spawned cool.  That we are an aberration, some random thing they got stuck with to humiliate them.

And, don't forget to unconditionally love yourself.  If you need to get away, go.

I wonder if any abuse took place in a closet...I am glad I wasn't the one that did put you there.  I remember screaming a lot, chasing, grabbing you all - trying to manhandle anyone into submission, but I don't remember locking anyone away.  Sometimes I think I have an excellent memory.  Other times, I have this nagging suspicion that there are gaps.

A friend's father is dying of cancer.  When she travels I keep her dog.  My grandson LOVES the dog.  She is gentle and sweet.  This weekend I have the dog.  This morning during my breakfast break, I took the dog for a walk, then got her and my cat fed.  Everything felt right with my world.  I wonder how long I can go without a dog!!

Not sleeping well again, and having spiritual awareness incidents in the middle of the night.  But I am so tired, I can't remember what I am hearing.  I think it will be this way until we get through teething and onto solids.

I've got to get back to my pears.  I am going to can them in apple juice and ginger.  I read that it's possible to use fruit juices, which is a great way to avoid processed sugars.

I love you,

Clare