Grasshoppers

How's the dog?  I hope the vet has an easy solution.

As I read your description of the swirling energy, I suddenly glimpsed the bigger picture - for just a brief second I saw your sons, the two of them side by side, working together, as your wise teachers.  Without them, you may never have had this potential energy release.  Now you just have to let go, trust and blow it out your yellow chakra.  Maybe visualize being a whale, and place the yellow chakra at the blow hole...ah the release...let it all go, release it and see how beautiful all your energy is...it's a gift...

Sorry.  It's been an off day, a weird day.  I could not sleep last night.   I finally gave up at about 4:30 and got out of bed.  I was so tired, I started crying.  I have never done that before - walked around getting ready for work while crying.  I was a little concerned for myself.  I feel more balanced now, and I am exhausted.  I think I will sleep tonight.

Another reaction I had while I read your last post was to this:

It is a shame that most of us wait until we are feeble or ill or unable to take care of ourselves before we ask or accept assistance.

I don't think we ask or accept.  I think we are pissed off, furious, humiliated.  We see ourselves as weak and worthless.  I don't know many people who were gracious and loving.  But the few who were knew the art of give and take.  I think we touched on this before - but we can't give unless someone accepts.  I am a great giver.  I will give up almost anything to anyone who asks.  But I will not receive.  I find it the ultimate humiliation to have to ask for help.  You touched on the concept of being good little soldiers.  Apt for a bunch of army-brats, I think.

How do we teach our kids to give if we can't accept - truly, graciously accept with honor for the whole process?  We did a lot of volunteer work as a family, and so mine are good at giving.  But we are not good at being vulnerable with each other and asking for help.

My eldest stopped by just to spend time with me while I was babysitting the little one yesterday.  My oldest is so practical, yet loving, and she is wiser all of the time.  She kind of got on me about remembering to take care of myself.  I can't accept, I guess, even from myself.  Recurring theme here and in my life...whiiiiiiineee.

I had a strange dream two nights ago.  There was a group of people, I knew everyone well, in my kitchen.  We all had finger puppets on many fingers.  I had at least four.  But the one I was at the time was Dolly Parton.  As we were standing there talking about our selves, a huge, perfect preying mantid flew in and got caught in a spider web above our heads. I was watching it spin, thinking about what I should do, when an even larger, perfect grasshopper flew in and landed on the mantid, holding it perfectly still.  It did not attempt to hurt it or eat it...and I woke up.

I have been having grasshopper encounters all summer.  Twice in one day, I had a grasshopper leap from in front of me and circle around in a wide arc and land directly behind me.  Then, another day,  one landed on my cheek.  So I know they want my attention.  I read that they are the Chinese sign of fortune and good luck.  But then why is it behind me?  Should I be looking back?  Grasshopper people don't move forward like others.  They seem to sit still then make huge leaps forward.

So, I am quite tired.  I hope you are serene and strong and enjoying the energy rush...prepare for release!!

Love you - every day!!

Clare