Negotiate

I would be a little worried that your explosion had so little effect on your son.  I have to ask whether he is really into the drama - he doesn't feel alive unless he is drawing all the attention in such a negative way - or if he is really into addiction and is desperate for a numb.  When he sneaks out of his window, where is he going?  Is he meeting friends?  Is he leaving?  Is he alone?

Just as a crazy thought...he wants to change the rules, then negotiate.  Let him help set the rules, get to a place where you all agree.  Let him set the repercussions for if he fails to honor his word.  But he has to justify all of his arguments.  He has to do some research and prove his standard is okay.  You have to do the same.  Then you compromise until everyone is comfortable.

I negotiated with mine all the time.  I used to get so sick of it, and want to scream,  "Just do what I say!"  But when we negotiated the rules, they tended to honor them.  So things were calm-ish-er.  But now they are all adults, and all struggle with alcohol.  And I worry a lot.  Sometimes I feel like this family will never emerge from the swamp...

And the "everyone else's parents" argument.  Oh vomit.  Have him ask a range of other kids.  Or ask a health teacher to do it as a unit on safety or some such.  Maybe all of the kids should do some comparing.  It might be eye opening.  He might discover he has more freedom than he thought.  And if he is still hanging out with older kids, of course they have fewer rules - or no rules.  Their parents are no longer legally responsible for stupid shit those kids pull.  No one has to come bail them out - they are on their own.

Another aspect of that might be considering the teen behavior of someone you/he/I/we admire.  How much freedom were they allowed?  How much did they take?  I remember being shocked when I found one of the coolest, most intelligent, really counter-culture activists I knew never smoked pot.  It made me think about expectations.  That could be part of the school project!  And you know, it could be the other side of Me Too!

What is he numbing?

I wish I knew what I was numbing.

I put the baby in the stroller, the dog on a leash and we walked for about 3 miles today.  The baby slept most of the way.  The dog and I saw grasshoppers and chipmunks and deer.  It was good for me, and a calm way to spend an afternoon.

Hope you did something relaxing.  Hope the thonners made a mint!

Love you, and hugs to you all -

Clare