Another teary day. The movie Mamma Mia made me cry. I feel a little ridiculous. I know it's good to cry. I know it is softening me. But I feel stupid. There is a part where the Donna character talks about giving up on romance and men after she has her child, and simply raised her alone. She says she is glad that part of her life is over. Really. And of course Meryl Streep is such a fabulous actress, we feel bereft for just a moment.
It touched a hollow place inside, and I started tearing up.
I had another of my strange thoughts today. Many, many years ago B#2's wife staged an intervention and got him to go to rehab. I talked to him sometime around that time. He told me that one of the biggest things he learned was that when we start using numbing agents - especially alcohol - we stop maturing emotionally. So, basically, he was a 13 year old in 30 or 40 year old body. It made me understand my ex. He was 18 or 19 years old...he still is.
Anyway, I was watching the baby today. She loves to stand now, but has absolute faith in us, that we will not let her topple. She stands and bounces, generally on my stomach, and frequently gets her feet stuck in my bra. After a few minutes, a quarter of an hour, a half hour of this my stomach hurts, my shoulders are worn out and my wrist can't do anymore. When I try to sit her down, she stiffens and pushes with her feet, and she's back up. She is oblivious to my aches and pains...of course.
But it suddenly struck me that I know adults who behave the same way. They just want what they want and are oblivious to others, and how others support them.
I wondered if initial abuse freezes us at the level of emotional development we have reached when the pain and betrayal strike.
Just a thought.
And I'm tired. I need to find a book.
Hope you are having a lovely evening.
Clare
No comments:
Post a Comment