Tied up and distracted

It is funny...
my first serious boyfriend (and his friends) accused me of gold-digging when I started dating a fellow medical student...
I don't remember Dad saying that of him...
and to what point?

The money question is very interesting.
I can see that by not having money you can legitimately excuse yourself from your dreams...
but they will continue to haunt you...
and lack of funds will be an excuse.
The second job would help...
be careful not to cover too many hours of the day as you already get up at a very early hour.

I have been reading a book, Miss America By Day...
it is an autobiography of a former Miss America whose father raped and molested her almost nightly from age 5 to 18. Her story is different, but the aftermath...the lifestyle choices...the feelings...the outward perfection and inner hatred are so similar to mine. She talks of the day girl- the perfect girl to the outside and the night girl- the one who is awful and unworthy of love...knowing only pain and terror. I haven't gotten to the part where she reintegrates the two sides of herself but she hints at the rage that was necessary to do that. It is fascinating, and sad, and enlightening and many other things simultaneously. I can't stop reading it, even though it brings back awful images. At the same time I can see how far I/we have come with the work that we are doing...

I have been tied up and distracted with teen-related issues...sorry.
I will check in tomorrow.
Blessings,
Maggie