reminiscing

Wow...that sucks.
I do have many memories of being disappointed as a child...broken promises...changed plans...and then blaming the changes on something or someone else.

The first story (or two) that popped into my head when I read your post was the summer before 9th grade...Dad announced that we were moving to their county of origin...Well, being the overachiever that I was, I was supposed to be the editor of the school newspaper and the yearbook...along with holding offices of several other clubs at school...I had to contact all of those advisers and tell them that I would not be attending the upcoming school year and that they should choose others.
Long story short...he changed his mind.
Well the summer before my senior year he did the same thing...announced we were moving... this time we did move...and I once again gave up many opportunities at my previous school...when I finally gathered the nerve to ask Mom why did they do this right before my senior year she told me that I was the toughest and could make the transition better than the others.

So I have been quite irritable since I came back Saturday night...
I was meditating on the feelings this morning and came up with the word "disconnect"...
I felt disconnected with myself, my kids and my family of origin.
It was a very empty feeling...I guess the irritability was to fill me up with something.
I made myself go to yoga...
I was feeling less than motivated...
and the instructor asked us to do as much of the class as we could with our eyes closed...
to connect with our breathing and inner experience...
it was SO what I needed at that moment.
I left there calmer and more in touch with myself.
My son tested my patience and parenting last night ...
when he came home this afternoon I was able to be calm and just sit with him, calmly inviting him to talk...he is on an emotional roller coaster and I am just trying to maintain stability for him.
Serendipity is good!

I am beat...5 baseball games in 5 days...one more to go!
Son#2's team has qualified for the State Teener Jr. Baseball tournament, that will be next week.

Love and Light,
Maggie