Rethinking feminism

Maybe we really aren't family...
maybe we are just genetically related.
If we can't or don't share history and memory then what binds us?
Obligations?
Expectations?
Guilt?

We had dinner with husband's cousin last evening.
They were telling stories and reminiscing about their childhood and the other relatives...
there was a sense of belonging...of connection...
perhaps what family feels like when you don't have to rewrite the past to make it acceptable.

I had a great conversation with a friend at the domestic violence shelter yesterday...
She wanted to know why I don't consider myself a feminist. I told her it was because I believe that everyone should be equal...all vulnerable and oppressed people should be raised up...not just women...
but not to the detriment of others. There has to be an equalizing of power but not by making the "other" oppressed and  vulnerable. Does that make sense?

Advocacy isn't just to benefit women...or specific races...
It is about reconnecting people.
It is about removing the descriptive terms that are associated with bias and prejudice.
It is about removing the "silos" that maintain "them" and "us"...
perpetuating the disconnect and destroy cooperation, coalitions and community.

My friend said something very profound...that violence makes the perpetrator less than their greatest potential. Her example was an abusive man who controls and abuses his wife/girlfriend and expects love in return. The relationship can never be truly loving because the victim is afraid and fear and love don't coexist. I remember reading once that you can make people respect and fear you, but you can never make them love you...it's why the idea of a wrathful God is so preposterous...God is love...and seeks love from all of us. I remember at my confirmation I was so confused by "gift of the Holy Spirit"called "Holy Fear"...why do I want to adore a divine being that requires holy fear to approach?    

So, the path to self-actualization for men is to come to the realization that power and control are not necessary while the path for women is to understand that being strong and interdependent is valuable. We all need to see the complimentary nature of the other...and destroy the walls that maintain that otherness.

Interdependence is not something that our family understands, appreciates or practices.  That is very sad.  Perhaps that is something the next generation will learn.

I am exhausted. I stained both of our wooden decks this afternoon, only to have a storm blow in about an hour after I was finished. I hope that it doesn't affect it too much. Anyway I am going to say good evening. I will check in tomorrow.

Love and Light,
Maggie