You know, I have that deep longing, too - as long as people don;t really know me. I think I am still working on my issues! I am not terribly judgmental, but I expect to be judged.
And I come from the same place you do. It's almost as if the photos are enough. I just had a strange memory. I was driving through Valley Forge Park with S#3's ex and a bunch of children - a mixed batch of cousins. He was driving, and as we would pass points of interest, he would lean out the window and snap a photo with his camera. We didn't stop the car, we didn't get out - but, By God we have the photos to prove we were there.
That is exactly how I have gotten through all of our family gatherings. There are photos to show we are a family.
Somehow the photos are enough...
If the nipples make you happy, get nipples. Or get something fun or artistic tattooed on your bumps...Do you remember we used to call breasts bumps when we were kids? One time Aunt J. was baby sitting us...S#4 was an infant. Aunt J. asked B#3 if he knew where the bottles were. He told her to just use her bump. That was what Mom did.
Sometimes, no matter how good a parent we are, someone else can do a better job. Allowing that person to do that job makes us an even better parent. And it is healthy to cry. You just keep releasing. You are doing a fantastic job. You have faced everything. You haven't run away from anything yet.
Can younger brother write to older brother?
Our town is having its annual fair. We went down and watched part of a parade. We saw some old friends. We ate fair food - corn on the cob and fries for me. We bought some new books at the library tent. We took the baby to see baby animals and she went crazy over three little pigs. She was pointing and talking with great excitement and animation. I felt like I was in a movie about small town America!
Hope you are feeling at peace. I'm sending light thoughts!
Clare
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