bearing it

Hi Love,

So nice to have you back.  You have been through the wringer, and it feels so bad to me because I had hoped you would have peace in order to heal. But I truly believe that whatever happens is meant to happen. And we have the choice of responding with love and faith or with fear.

I had a moment tonight, when I was walking, when I wondered which chakras you and your son are connected through. When he yanks, where do you feel it?  When you try to hold on, where does he feel it?  If you feel inspired to ask your healer, I would love to know.

There is a Quaker healer I have met a few times, who I respect and whose words I read and may have commented on here.  He wrote something recently about not being able to tolerate pain. And he needed to have a minor surgery that caused great physical pain.  In order for the surgery to be successful, he had to will himself to be still. After it was over, he had a very emotional response and realized that he was feeling/releasing much of the abuse he suffered as a child.  I'm wondering if you are having a similar response.  And I'm wondering if the emotional pain of watching you go through surgery, knowing you have a potentially fatal disease is causing a similar reaction in your son.

I think you have made a wise decision.  You are very lucky that you have such resources available.

I have been a little emotional - because of cancer.  One of my closest friend's father died last night.  She was very emotional last weekend, and felt like she had to go to him.  She left her dog with me and went, and had a sweet time.  Now, she's more at peace than before.  And a close friend has been rediagnosed.  With her first battle, I felt confident.  This time, I cried.  I didn't tell her I cried, but I did.

The other thing I noticed...after you saw Mom and Dad and we talked about it, I was overcome with anger at Dad.  I don't know exactly what set it off, but  I was raging.  It lasted a few minutes and was gone.

I wonder if, when we are being abused, we learn to will ourselves to stand and bear the pain.  We probably learn it lessens the pain, it lessens the duration of the episode...

I bent over quickly and pulled a muscle in my back.  Feeling stiff, and needing to go climb in bed with a book.

So happy you're back!

Love and hugs,

Clare