inspired

So I talked to my sister and her cat spilled water on her computer.  She will probably have it back by the end of the week.  So in the meantime, I am talking to myself, to her future self.  This definitely works better when we are responding   to each other. My sister often inspires me.

So Maggie, I have to say that are an inspiration.  S#3 and her kids and 3 of her grandkids were here and when we had a chance to talk, she said your cancer really affected her.  She found a new doctor and is changing her diet and...maybe, I don't know - thinking about living a long and happy life.  We made an exercise pact and are going to support each other.  I feel different because I stopped eating meat, and especially sugar. I have fallen off the wagon - sugar is more devastating than meat to my system.But I ate a little meat yesterday and felt really bad after - physically bad.  So I know I am healthier without it.

S#3 took some photos of me and posted them.  I was very uncomfortable when I saw them. But I am trying to come to terms with that.  But it's made me more aware.  I was reading a magazine article about a woman  who got married in a hospital so her father, who was dying, could escort her down the aisle.  The writer mentioned that this was his only daughter, his beloved princess.  The bride was very overweight and wearing a tiara and I felt a judgmental response.  Like overweight women don't deserve beaded gowns and tiaras.   I looked at the photo for a long time, trying to see the beauty.  I will continue.  This might be like the weeks it took me to find compassion for Bush.  Spiritually, that was hard labor - but I did it. This should be easier.

But the whole thing has me thinking about weight and body image.  I know too much weight is not healthy.  But I also know, especially after talking to my daughter's friends, most overweight people have been abused.  Being rejected after being abused just compounds the abuse...and we don't have to be rejected.  We have already rejected ourselves.

So, that's where my thoughts are today.  But, outwardly, I will hang laundry, pick raspberries with the baby, and try to restore some order to my house

Ilove you, I miss you,

Clare