Swan dive

I know the mystical quality of singing.  I have felt it a few times.  Once I was in our small meetinghouse with three other women.  For some reason we started singing the Dona Nobis Pacem as a round.  It took us to a different place.  It was so beautiful.  Our voices fit together perfectly.  And there have been times of singing just the right song at the right time.  Sometimes I wished I lived in musical theater.  I do often break into song at strange times.  Once, it was a late summer evening, in a friends garden, a beautiful moon started rising.  I stepped up on the bench and started singing Shine on Harvest Moon.  The resident teenager looked at me like I was a loon.  Her mom simply said,  "You're not the only one with crazy friends."

Unfortunately, I forget to be that person...

It sounds like you can sing from both selves, but that one self sings more confidently than the other self...And I understand because sometimes I write, and sometimes spirit writes through me.  I am shocked by what I see on the paper - I didn't know I knew some things!!

Your nausea is a message.  It is uncomfortable to keep things inside, to protect yourself.  There is relief in sharing.  You want to feel good - you let it out!  I'm so glad my brother-in-law had an open heart and open mind.  He's providing a safe place.  Once you trust that space, more will emerge and you'll feel even better.

I told the rescue people that Emily has a home.  I decided to keep her.  She was curled up on the chair next to my desk, and I told her.  I asked her, really, if she wanted to be part of our family and live with us forever.  She stood up, wagged her tail and touched her nose to my face.  So she's home.

My first labor and delivery was so long, and I was in transition for hours.  If I had been in a hospital I probably would have been a Failure to Progress Cesarean delivery.  Instead, I was with people who were monitoring me, who knew I did not want to go to a hospital, and that I had the strength and endurance to get through this all.  I think what finally happened is that I surrendered.  I surrendered to the process, I surrendered to motherhood.  Once I surrendered, the birthing just happened.  And I took my first look at my daughter, put my hands on her for the first time, and the miracle occurred.  And all of the struggle of the past hours disappeared.

That is what is happening to us now.  We are poking around the idea of surrender, putting our toes in the water and getting ready for the swan dive of our lives...

I love you!

Clare