Sibling brawls

Hi Maggie,

I hope all is well.  I've been spoiled by almost daily check-ins with you.  Now I miss you, and worry a bit.  Soon, I'll start phone-stalking you

Not feeling inspired today.  We went to a baby shower.  We carved jack-o-lanterns.  Mine has a simple, classic face this year.  It would be fun to see a row of photos of them over the years.  Unfortunately all I have is sort of memories.

I remember the year Mom decided we would be perfect - the Seven Dwarfs with Snow White and the Prince.  But B#2 refused to be a Prince for a sister. Knowing about the sexual contact going on at the time, I would say we were very well trained to avoid all occasion of looking suspicious.  But I remember trick-or-treating, then coming home, dumping our bags and trading for  favorite candies.  Those are moments when we were normal, we were interacting like a healthy group of siblings.  I think.  If my memory is correct.

My youngest and I were talking about the ways siblings interact.  Mine had some crazy "fights." Not physical, but nonetheless, they had interactions I didn't know about, and would not have liked.  I told my daughter that I thought a lot of it was too violent, and that I thought I didn't do a good enough job of watching them.  She compared their tiffs and battles to some other families, and pointed out that ours weren't bad.

I started thinking about expectations.  Why do we expect siblings to battle.  Is it normal?  Humane?  Healthy?  Inevitable?  I think maybe this is one more place where our culture has led us into violence and we don't even know it.  We think it's normal, because we have never experienced anything else.

A friend said something about Gandhi.  He couldn't believe that this peaceful man was okay with the caste system.  I could only think that the culture makes it okay, normal.  And in a few generations, what we see and feel as normal, will be unbelievable to our descendants.

Besides, we still have the caste system.  And it's so normal, we don't even know...

I hope you are back soon...this is so much easier with you!

I love you and miss you,

Clare

Final note - up in the middle of the night thinking about inequality.  Wishing life were easier, then thinking about how others have it so much worse.  Suddenly got really angry at this mindset, and told whoever was listening that everyone deserved enough.  Period.  No more questions.

My life is may be bad sometimes, but since it's not the worst...that's how we maintain out invisible caste system...

More love, and sleep well.