Next step.

I just got back from my conference. What a day. I have to tell you about the experience that I had. One of the afternoon presentations was on Reiki, which I would have loved to hear, but had to man the registration table. But afterwards I asked how it was and people had mixed reactions. I was told that she was doing short treatments and was intrigued.

As I entered the room I could feel the energy. I sat in a chair about 4 rows back and could feel the energy. She was working on an older woman who was chronically bent to the right and when she finally finished the woman was upright. She next did a young woman and , even though I was not eavesdropping I could not take my eyes off of her. I was pulled into their energy and tears welled up in my eyes. I had such a tug-of-war going on inside my gut. After she was finished I asked if I could go next- I was already crying so, what the hell. I sat down and closed my eyes and slowed my breathing. I could feel her hands near my face and she asked me, "Are you always this organized?". I laughed and told her that it was a blessing and a curse, that it serves me well but blocks creativity. She asked if she could "clear away" the negative "thoughts from my brain and proceeded to move her hands which made me feel very light and dizzy...I felt my head expand. She asked how long I had had headaches and I answered more than 20 years. She agreed with that. Then I asked her to answer a question. "How do I unblock my throat chakra?" I asked her. I explained that I have chronic neck and should spasm and that I feel incredible tightness around my neck...constantly for the past month or so. She told me that my block was in my first and second chakra. She quietly said that she sees a traumatic childhood, difficult adolescence, never knowing where I belonged, and difficulty with trust. I told her that I am unable to feel, that I block everything that tries to move from my brain to my heart and she agreed. I asked her how to remove that dam...she told me that, "some things are just too difficult to do alone." Before I knew it I asked how I can find her. She gave me her card. I found my next step. I found the next teacher. I can move ahead. I sang most of the way home.

My impression of the doll dream is that biting you on your neck and limbs was not to hurt you, but to free you from the bonds that hold you back from dancing and playing. I think she wants to play and to come alive with you again. It is time to take hold of life and enjoy it. There has been enough frozen, painful time.

I hope that the Wabi Sabi video wasn't too overwhelming. I was not sure if her account of rape would be too much for you. I thought about deleting that post, but my first instinct was to share it, so I left it there.

I am giving a talk to a women's conference on trauma and resilience...I think I will wish Wabi-Sabi for all of them...as I do to you.
I love you,
Maggie