Emily

The dog is Emily - definitely female.  She is curled up in the chair next to me, patiently waiting to go to bed.

I had friends here for dinner.  It was relaxing and fun.  I was stressing a little because I watched my granddaughter today, and so I didn't have my kitchen clean.  But I just sort of said, F*** it and blamed it on the baby-year.  Nobody seemed to care as much as I do.  Guess there's a lesson there - both in expectations and in choosing friends!

Your workshop sounded perfect, especially since it left you teary.  Welcome to my world!!  I love the way all of the pieces are coming together, and you are recognizing them and making sense of them.  You are doing your work!  You are finding your way.  And obviously, people who listen to you hear your authentic voice.  (Did you put contact info on the CD's?  Oh, and - make cards!)

The first doll was in the box, and we let her out to go dancing and playing.  Maybe she wasn't a doll, but she was inactivated - like a doll.  The second doll is this week's discovery.  I went to bed late last night and got up early this morning, and so I didn't dream, or at least I don't remember dreaming.

Not much new today...I guess I made one realization that changed me.  My granddaughter was screaming at me.  No matter what I tried to do to soothe or distract her, she screamed.  I was starting to get angry, frustrated...then I stopped and took a deep breath and realized - she just wants her mother.  She has a right to her  mother.  I let all of my anger channel out and spray all over our current culture and political system.  Our system of separating moms and infants at 6 weeks old is simply barbaric.  Yet, we need the income from my daughter's weekend job...and so the baby learns that it doesn't really matter how much she really, really needs her mama...Changing the focus of my anger allowed so much compassion for this poor screaming babe to flow through me.  In that moment - everything changed.

Hope you have a sweet evening...Love you!

Clare