Missed you!

The first funeral I went to, the first viewing of the dead body, was Grammy I believe.  I remember having the exact same feeling - it's just a shell, she's not there.  But I had another young friend who died at age 35 of ovarian cancer.  She was buried in a green cemetery.  The body is not embalmed,  it is buried on a bier or in a simple wooden box.  After she died her mother and sister-in-law prepared the body.  She was on a bier covered in a white shroud, and her brothers and father carried her past all of us to a deep hole in the ground.  It was raw, it was real.  It was a celebration as much as a mourning.  Her mother sometimes confuses the "sacrament" of the day and says wedding or another celebration, then cries a little. That day, we sang, we spoke.  And then we buried her in flowers.  Her dad and her brothers and some of the other men took turns burying her body with dirt after we laid all of our flowers over her.  The terrible beauty of the pain and the agony and the joy will bless me forever.  Instead of a gravestone, they planted a white pine - The Great Tree of Peace.

I decided I wanted this kind of funeral years and years ago - before I ever knew it was possible.  I want a linden tree planted on me.  I want to feed the tree that smells like heaven.  I want my kids to sing Fields of Gold.

I don't know anything about the Mennonite scandal.  I do know that people have dark sides and light sides.  His peace work may have been authentic.  But it would seems some damage caused a sexual addiction of some sort.  Some sort of violence led him to objectify women.  The violence may be what led him to peace work.  We need to be transparent, no matter how painful, I think.  If we are transparent, others can help us overcome these overpowering urges to stop feelings.

If I have time to watch the Pema Chodron piece, I will.  Lately I have been working 5 days a week and watching the baby the other two.  I am feeling a little wiped out.  I can't seem to catch up.

I forgot about the Halloween parties at the NCO club.  They were never the same day as trick-or-treating.  We always got to dress up twice.  I never went to the next town...I just stayed close to home.  I went to making homemade costumes, too.  My kids still do it.  They still love Halloween and dressing up for parties.

I missed you!

Clare