bad haircut

Hi Mags,

I'm so sorry about all the loss. I saw the obituary, and wondered if it was the little girl with polio.  In my mind she was still little. Isn't that weird. It's like I leave people and expect them to be exactly the same...I also watched the video her mom made about adoption. I was surprised that the daughter never said a word. She just sat and was there...I wondered if she felt like that during her life.

I mowed my lawn today.  I killed a small garter snake. I was so sorry, so sad.  I hate to kill.  But I did look it up.  Snake has to do with sacred mysteries and transformation.  Garter snake, one source said, has to do with deceit and jealousy.

Tomorrow is full moon.  I had a stray thought about running naked in the full moon tomorrow night.  Wouldn't that be a transformation?

That is the fun of getting old.  Nobody knows. Nobody notices...Old women are invisible!

I am basically bushwhacking the yard. It has been raining so much, and the grass is so deep and thick and wet.  It is a good workout to muscle the mower through.  The front yard is about three-quarters mowed.   I surveyed my work as I was done, and I thought,  "This looks like what unsupervised siblings do to each other's hair..."

Then I remembered the haircuts I gave you and the other three girls.

I traumatized S#4. I think she quit Girl Scouts rather than go out in public with her haircut.

But, in my own defense, Dad told me to give you each a haircut.  I blame him!

Maybe I am psychologically preparing for his service. We said bring the funny stories. And you know, the traumatic stories are often funny.

I think I will take credit for S#4's career.  She became a hairdresser to make sure nothing like what I did ever happened to her again!!

Time for a shower and bed...Love and hugs from Clare

that makes 3

Clare,
I love that...
bigger tables...
that means more opening...
mores socializing...
more sharing...
all good things.

The weekend retreat was fun. I tis good to catch up with friends. Each of the 9 meetings of the quarter give an update during business meeting.
Ours was about loss...
3 members moved...
3 died...
It was a big transitional year for our Meeting.
My Friend's memorial service is Saturday. I miss her very much. She was a second mother to me for the past 10 years.I miss her strong, independent ways. I dread going to her memorial...
It will make me miss her even more.

I had a strong recollection of a friend from middle school this week. Do you remember the refugee from Viet Nam that was adopted by a local woman? This young girl had suffered from Polio and I was asked to help her get from class to class. Her English was very poor, but she had the sweetest smile and was always deeply appreciative.
I thought of her this past week...
wondering what she is doing...
wondering if I could ever find out how her life is going.
Today her obituary appeared on the book of face.
I felt so strangely sad. I hadn't thought about her in decades. And now I have a sense of sadness. I read a book about the Hmong people from Viet Nam for my Masters...
it said that when they die their should go back to all of their former homes to gather the pieces they've left behind. I wonder if she revisited this week to reclaim that bit of our brief history. That is a very positive part of my history. This girl's mom took me, another girl who helped, and this girl to the beach during the summer. It was the first time I ever saw the ocean. S#3 saw the obituary and sent it to me...she and I are going to attend the service together this week. It will be good. S#3 sweetly reminded me of how much I'd done for this young woman...but, I think, she did much for me. She gave me an opportunity to be of service and generous with my time, to show my compassionate side during middle school when everyone is trying to conform and not stand out. Perhaps she is one of the reasons I chose to work in professional that help others...that part of me was noticed and nurtured.
That's what success depends upon- noticing the gifts and nurturing the talents.

So that makes 3 memorial services this week. I should be all cried out by the end of this week. It will be good to see everyone next weekend though.

I'll check in with you tomorrow.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie

a bigger table

Hi Maggie,

Thanks for the birthday wishes.  I had a nice weekend...I didn't feel specially singled out, I felt like a part of the group.  It was nice.

On Friday night a Friend came to visit, and ended up staying for dinner. All of the other plans for the weekend went as predicted.

Brunch was fun today. I wasn't sure how many would be here. Someone popped in late just as we were setting the table. Then as we sat down, there was another car, so we started running around and gathering more place settings and chairs. As everyone was settled, some said, "There's someone else here..."

I need a bigger table.

I love that - I need a bigger table.  It mean that I am feeding more people.  More people are joining me!

I guess that is what I hope to take into the next year - I need a bigger table!

One of my room-mates from college was here for the weekend.  We had dinner with my oldest daughter, youngest son, and his love.  We were remembering things from so long ago. Her version was different than mine, and I felt like my kids were getting to know me. She talked about how we would cook up what was in the freezer and invite people in for dinner. We did have a lot of dinners.

I guess even then we wanted to feed others.

And we talked a lot about family dysfunction. Comparing. Exposing - maybe for the first time, to each other...I told some of our family secrets. She reciprocated. We caught up on history...

The permaculture leading is moving forward!

Have fun leading the gathering.If you need a shoulder you know where to find me!

Love and hugs from Clare

Happy birthday!

Happy birthday!!!
I wish you a very happy birthday.

It will be good to see you next weekend at Papa D's service.

I also have a busy Quaker weekend. It is our quarter's spring gathering/retreat. Unfortunately I have conflicting schedule issues. I ran to the retreat this am...
my youngest is doing child care for service hours...
of course he ran in at the last minute...
he's late for everything.
I stayed for worship and business meeting.
Then I ran about 20 miles back to a suicide awareness event.
I spent 2 hours selling tickets for chances on baskets...
it was fun...
but there were kids hanging...
excited by the potential of winning...
but I felt so trapped by them.
I felt Papa D coming up in me...
I asked them to give me space several times...
some things are deeply ingrained.

Then I ran back to the Quaker retreat...
this is a big transition for me...
my Monthly meeting takes responsibility for the planning of the retreat for the next 2 years...
and I'm the natural person to clerk this.
I've been on the planning committee for 8 years...
I have taken responsibility for the workshops...
so I am ready to take this on.
But, that means that I will be tied up for the next 2 years- first weekend in May...
but it will be good for me.

I hope that you are enjoying your day.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie

getting older...

Hi Maggie,

If class is out, does that mean you have a lighter schedule until August?

It is interesting that you noticed light swelling in your ankle before the pop.  The universe does give us warnings if we pay attention.

I have been Quaker-busy.  I am on the committee that grants monies for Friends going to FGC in July. And our meeting is organizing a farewell picnic for the Friend who is leaving. And someone in our meeting is following a leading against industrial meats.  And I am working on exploring permaculture on our nature preserve.

I am sure it is all interconnected.

And it is almost my birthday.  I have a hard time every year. It's not because I am getting older, although I am having a hard time remembering my age!  But I don't like to be the center of the fuss..  After last year, though, it is easier.

This year one of my room-mates from college is coming to visit. On Saturday night we will have dinner with my oldest daughter and youngest son. On Sunday I am making a brunch for a few friends, my youngest, and maybe my middle kid and his family.

It sounds sweet and quiet and intimate.

I remember Grammy said that after you get to a certain age, early adult, you just feel the same - never older or younger. It doesn't seem like you are aging. I kind of feel like that...except my joints are a bit stiffer first thing in the morning.

Oh well...

And, I have been talking to a man in another country for years. well, we stopped for a year and a half, then started up again. We have been practicing setting boundaries. This may be the first time in my life I have been able to note and speak up when a boundary has been crossed.

This is scaring the crap out of me...

Sending love and hugs,

Clare

I must...

Clare,

I really liked the rejection video...
don't run and hide...
ask Why?
explore options and opinions...
What a great talk.

I think I told you that I hurt my ankle dancing at nephew's wedding. I am immobilized in a removable boot. I wear it when I am weight bearing, but take it off to ice, sleep, etc...
the ankle feels much better...
except one area...
where I believe the tendon tore.
It's amazing...
there's no bruising.
But this tendon notoriously tears because it has very little blood supply at one particular area...
the area of the presumed tear.
I am on steroids to decrease swelling...
they make me feel anxious.
I did not sleep well on them last night...
heart burn and energy surging through my brain and body.
I am afraid that the healing of this injury will include surgery...
more invasive...
but much faster healing time.
I just want to move freely.
I know...
mu body is telling me to slow down.
I ignored about 6 months of pain and mild swelling in this area...
when my body whispered I ignored it...
iced it...
massaged it...
kept on going.
I don't have time to slow down...
but I must.

Class is over for the semester...
all students passed...
The one that was not doing well dropped it after 6 weeks- the first assignment.
I will miss these students.
I learn a lot from my students...

Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie

rejection

Hi Maggie,

Tornado watch at my house.  I can hear the thunder in the far distance. And because of technology, I know what it is, and where it is.

I was thinking about the olden days when people didn't know. This would have been a shock.

I think I may have a new favorite TED talk. I would never fully abandon Brene, but this one...

https://www.ted.com/talks/jia_jiang_what_i_learned_from_100_days_of_rejection

...this one is perfect, too.

The speaker, Jia Jiang, talks about rejection and how it scars us. And how it continues to manipulate the way we react, even as adults. And so he set up 100 tasks for himself, expecting to be rejected every time, so that he would learn not to fear rejection.

He said after the first request, he ran.  Then he decided he would not run. He learned to ask why.  He learned to acknowledge that his requests were weird, and so people trusted him.

He did it all with laughter - at himself, and at the human condition.

Getting dark outside.  Going to get off.

Love and hugs from Clare