Clare,
I finished this week's trauma lesson and found it fascinating. Much of the work he talks about is embodied in what we've accomplished here. I am going to share it with you. It is powerful- about parts of our personality that protect and exile us. It is in 2 X 1.25 hour sessions.
http://traumacertificate2016.kajabi.com/posts/internal-family-systems-part-1--2
The user name is my email address and password is my birth month and 2 digit year of birth…
I'll be back later.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie
Thursday, May 5, 2016
Wednesday, May 4, 2016
You are sneaky!
Hi Maggie,
Happy Grandma's birthday! I have been kind of thinking about her today. When I had the intergenerational pronoia moment, I actually felt like each gramma was holding one of my hands.
The whole idea of a web feels more real, more palpable when I realize my kids are in me as much as I am in them.
I went to a workshop with an herbalist named Ryan Drum years ago. He was talking about our grandmother's health affecting us. When Mom was in utero, her eggs were forming, and so we were all in Grammy. The potential of her womb is miraculous. It only works with daughters. But my little buddy was once an egg in her mama in me. Sounds like a children's song!
You are aware of people, and kind and very generous. It is a family pattern to not feel we are worth it. I like the way you set yourself up...you are, in effect, taking care of yourself. Rather than outwardly tending to you, you take a yoga class which open the door to deeper self-care.
You trick yourself into it! Sneaky, but effective!
I think we are frightened into protecting and isolating ourselves with ego...
I connected with all five of my kids today. It felt right. S#5 was talking about preparations she is making to have surgery, then recover. This is when it seems like we should all be closer...so we can help each other. Like when you had your surgery...I felt the distance. I felt helpless.
The only way for me to have it is to create it...by encouraging my kids to be close...
Have you had a song niggling into your mind yet?
Love and hugs from Clare
Happy Grandma's birthday! I have been kind of thinking about her today. When I had the intergenerational pronoia moment, I actually felt like each gramma was holding one of my hands.
The whole idea of a web feels more real, more palpable when I realize my kids are in me as much as I am in them.
I went to a workshop with an herbalist named Ryan Drum years ago. He was talking about our grandmother's health affecting us. When Mom was in utero, her eggs were forming, and so we were all in Grammy. The potential of her womb is miraculous. It only works with daughters. But my little buddy was once an egg in her mama in me. Sounds like a children's song!
You are aware of people, and kind and very generous. It is a family pattern to not feel we are worth it. I like the way you set yourself up...you are, in effect, taking care of yourself. Rather than outwardly tending to you, you take a yoga class which open the door to deeper self-care.
You trick yourself into it! Sneaky, but effective!
I think we are frightened into protecting and isolating ourselves with ego...
I connected with all five of my kids today. It felt right. S#5 was talking about preparations she is making to have surgery, then recover. This is when it seems like we should all be closer...so we can help each other. Like when you had your surgery...I felt the distance. I felt helpless.
The only way for me to have it is to create it...by encouraging my kids to be close...
Have you had a song niggling into your mind yet?
Love and hugs from Clare
ambushed in yoga
Clare,
I love that thought…
intergenerational pronoia.
I love it because I hold onto a concept of chimera…
I have read in the past that a woman absorbs some of her offsprings' DNA through placental transfer…
and carried them with her.
If that is true then she also has the genes of many generations who also absorbed some genes….
carrying ancient experiences.
There is also the concept of morphogenic evolution…
as a species we evolve through a common consciousness…
each member of a species can 'tap into' the consciousness (wavelength) through protein receptors found on the plasma membranes of the cells. If humans weren't so convinced that we are the highest form, we could actually learn from one another's experiences. We allow our ego to isolate us…
keep us in the left brain…
and avoid that deep connection.
Connection is what allows us to be happy and content in this life.
Last evening I did my usual Tuesday evening yoga class…
it's amazing…
As we were working on our hips I had a wave of emotion hit me…
I started tearing up…
I tried to get in touch with what I was releasing…
hips hold negative emotions and experiences.
I remembered 2 years ago…
this week…
going through the process of diagnosing my breast cancer.
once i acknowledged the cancer the tears flowed…
It was like an ambush of emotions.
I cried quietly for the rest of class…
tears streaming down my face…
but grateful for the release.
What an odd experience.
This morning I was meditating on that experience and wondered why I can be so unfeeling toward my own self…
I fight tears until they sneak up on me.
I am very caring about others.
I believe if you asked my friends they would say I am kind and compassionate.
But I fail to extend that to myself.
Something to work on.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie
I love that thought…
intergenerational pronoia.
I love it because I hold onto a concept of chimera…
I have read in the past that a woman absorbs some of her offsprings' DNA through placental transfer…
and carried them with her.
If that is true then she also has the genes of many generations who also absorbed some genes….
carrying ancient experiences.
There is also the concept of morphogenic evolution…
as a species we evolve through a common consciousness…
each member of a species can 'tap into' the consciousness (wavelength) through protein receptors found on the plasma membranes of the cells. If humans weren't so convinced that we are the highest form, we could actually learn from one another's experiences. We allow our ego to isolate us…
keep us in the left brain…
and avoid that deep connection.
Connection is what allows us to be happy and content in this life.
Last evening I did my usual Tuesday evening yoga class…
it's amazing…
As we were working on our hips I had a wave of emotion hit me…
I started tearing up…
I tried to get in touch with what I was releasing…
hips hold negative emotions and experiences.
I remembered 2 years ago…
this week…
going through the process of diagnosing my breast cancer.
once i acknowledged the cancer the tears flowed…
It was like an ambush of emotions.
I cried quietly for the rest of class…
tears streaming down my face…
but grateful for the release.
What an odd experience.
This morning I was meditating on that experience and wondered why I can be so unfeeling toward my own self…
I fight tears until they sneak up on me.
I am very caring about others.
I believe if you asked my friends they would say I am kind and compassionate.
But I fail to extend that to myself.
Something to work on.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie
Tuesday, May 3, 2016
intergenerational pronoia
Hey Sister,
I found the most amazing, thought-provoking quote today.
If we carry intergenerational trauma (and we do), then we also carry intergenerational wisdom. It's in our genes and in our DNA. -Kazu Haga
It switched everything around for me.
Yeah, we have the generations of trauma and programmed in responses. Yeah, we have lines of abusers leading up to us. But each one was also abused.
Abused and Abuser. As am I. We can't escape.
One of my favorite books ever, and I have mentioned it before, is Rob Brezsny's Pronoia. The premise is that the universe is conspiring to help you. And suddenly I got a big chunk of understanding.
I suddenly saw our family lines, generations of people standing, watching us, cheering us on, being available, wanting us to free our line from the generations of slime we have tried to survive in. Every one of those abusers whom I have resented, they want me/us to see them, truly see them, and to break the patterns. They are as much the isolated, shamed child as they are monster lashing out to relieve pain.
Even Dad.
I Skyped with Mom this week and Dad would not say hello or acknowledge me or my granddaughter, although he was in the room. And I really didn't care. I don't know if I want to be that person who doesn't care. But I have removed myself so much, that I don't care...
A friend has asked me if I want to help found an ACA group here in my village. I have been reading the handbook. Some of the terminology has changed in the last 25 years. It is hitting me. I'll share at some time in the future, I'm sure.
Still sending you a song...
And love and hugs,
Clare
I found the most amazing, thought-provoking quote today.
If we carry intergenerational trauma (and we do), then we also carry intergenerational wisdom. It's in our genes and in our DNA. -Kazu Haga
It switched everything around for me.
Yeah, we have the generations of trauma and programmed in responses. Yeah, we have lines of abusers leading up to us. But each one was also abused.
Abused and Abuser. As am I. We can't escape.
One of my favorite books ever, and I have mentioned it before, is Rob Brezsny's Pronoia. The premise is that the universe is conspiring to help you. And suddenly I got a big chunk of understanding.
I suddenly saw our family lines, generations of people standing, watching us, cheering us on, being available, wanting us to free our line from the generations of slime we have tried to survive in. Every one of those abusers whom I have resented, they want me/us to see them, truly see them, and to break the patterns. They are as much the isolated, shamed child as they are monster lashing out to relieve pain.
Even Dad.
I Skyped with Mom this week and Dad would not say hello or acknowledge me or my granddaughter, although he was in the room. And I really didn't care. I don't know if I want to be that person who doesn't care. But I have removed myself so much, that I don't care...
A friend has asked me if I want to help found an ACA group here in my village. I have been reading the handbook. Some of the terminology has changed in the last 25 years. It is hitting me. I'll share at some time in the future, I'm sure.
Still sending you a song...
And love and hugs,
Clare
Monday, May 2, 2016
nah...name that tune
I like your challenge, Maggie,
But let's make it just a little easier to begin. I am going to think of a song. I am going to play it and listen to it, and think about it...create my own ear-worm, so to speak. I am going to tell S#3 what the song is. She can verify if we managed to share it. Then you go next. Give it two or three days before you guess. I will start after I post this and send a message to S#3.
Our regional meeting is in two weeks. My grandkids love to go, so we are going. This year's theme is White Privilege. Quite a few Friends went to the recent weekend workshop in Philly. I expect to be hit with things I don't want to face, but which will make me a better person.
Your presentation on climate change sounded perfect. We need to talk about it.
So one of my children told another that they resented the younger because the youngest had an easier childhood.
It made me think of us, of some of the resentment aimed at the youngest two sisters because they seemed to have escaped the infant abuse I think the rest of us faced, well, except B#4. The resentment aimed at them because Dad actually seemed to recognize and treasure them. The resentment that comes from seeing that they were worth educating when the rest of us weren't.
My youngest did have an easier childhood, because I went to AlAnon when she was a year old. I was a different mother - less angry, softer.
I regret some aspects of my mothering so much. The pain is so deep. Yet, I realize I could not have learned not to be that except by being that...which does not make it okay.
In the end, I set up hard feelings amongst my beloved children.
I think things are coming to a head because my oldest is pregnant. The family is about to change again, and we all know what the stress of change does to a family.
I can't go back and change anything. All I can do is acknowledge my mistakes and apologize, and let them know their perceptions are right.
Still thinking about becoming primal...
Sending love and hugs, and a song...
Clare
But let's make it just a little easier to begin. I am going to think of a song. I am going to play it and listen to it, and think about it...create my own ear-worm, so to speak. I am going to tell S#3 what the song is. She can verify if we managed to share it. Then you go next. Give it two or three days before you guess. I will start after I post this and send a message to S#3.
Our regional meeting is in two weeks. My grandkids love to go, so we are going. This year's theme is White Privilege. Quite a few Friends went to the recent weekend workshop in Philly. I expect to be hit with things I don't want to face, but which will make me a better person.
Your presentation on climate change sounded perfect. We need to talk about it.
So one of my children told another that they resented the younger because the youngest had an easier childhood.
It made me think of us, of some of the resentment aimed at the youngest two sisters because they seemed to have escaped the infant abuse I think the rest of us faced, well, except B#4. The resentment aimed at them because Dad actually seemed to recognize and treasure them. The resentment that comes from seeing that they were worth educating when the rest of us weren't.
My youngest did have an easier childhood, because I went to AlAnon when she was a year old. I was a different mother - less angry, softer.
I regret some aspects of my mothering so much. The pain is so deep. Yet, I realize I could not have learned not to be that except by being that...which does not make it okay.
In the end, I set up hard feelings amongst my beloved children.
I think things are coming to a head because my oldest is pregnant. The family is about to change again, and we all know what the stress of change does to a family.
I can't go back and change anything. All I can do is acknowledge my mistakes and apologize, and let them know their perceptions are right.
Still thinking about becoming primal...
Sending love and hugs, and a song...
Clare
Sunday, May 1, 2016
I'm thinking of a word...
Clare,
That's horrible…
correct rations for slaves.
I do believe that without cell phones…
or telephones…
we could communicate telepathically.
We don't trust ourselves enough to hear that energy.
I sometimes have a ringing in my ear…
not the high pitched…
too much pressure…
ringing, but a low pitched or variable ringing.
I ask the Divine to allow me to understand what I am hearing.
Generally I have a sense of a message.
The most amazing experience I've ever had with this was years ago (I think I might heave told you this previously). I heard a peculiar ringing and asked to hear its message. Clearly I understood it to be Grammy telling me to be kind and compassionate to our Mom, "you don't know what she's lived through". I had just been on a rant about how uncaring and inattentive she is. It changed me…
at least slightly.
I wish we could telepathically communicate. We should try an experiment.
Next time you blog think a simple, uncommon word…
tell me when you've got it set in your head…
think it over several times throughout the day...
I will try to sense it and write it the next time that I blog.
It might be interesting.
Perhaps we can live free of cell phone charges and electromagnetic waves.
My young man was looking at Dragonball Z pictures today and wanted to understand the drawings of their auras and their manipulation of energy. We talked about all matter being made of energy and that our bodies' energies extend beyond the boundaries of our physical bodies. He is fascinated by so many things. I was explaining reiki to him last evening…
he is really interested in so many things…
I love talking with him.
He was watching basketball this afternoon and I gave him one of my student's projects discussing the healthy issues of drinking Mountain Dew…
it was really gross…
eroded enamel…
bone depletion…
diabetes…
he went so far as to cite that you can dissolve a mouse in Mountain Dew…
He came up and said he'll not drink mountain dew anymore…
we shall see.
I love this final project. It challenges them to change one habit for two weeks. Many say that they feel better than they have in a long time…
despite the variety of things they identify as unhealthy…
they all notice a big change…
and, they realize they hold the power necessary to change things.
I spent my afternoon reading their papers…
it was great.
I spent the morning at our Quarterly gathering. It is always good to see Friends I only see once a year. I was talking with one woman who asked if I had been there all weekend. No, I was too busy to spend the whole weekend I replied. I realized how ridiculous that sounds. I could have made it a priority. I could have made arrangements. I am going to seriously try next year. I did a workshop/discussion on environmental changes/climate change with a Friend who is a chemist. He approaches it from a chemist's perspective and I do it from a biology and social justice perspective. I focused on health outcomes and climates justice issues. It was a comfortable group. I think it was well received.
I have a bunch to still do before bed. I love you sister.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie
That's horrible…
correct rations for slaves.
I do believe that without cell phones…
or telephones…
we could communicate telepathically.
We don't trust ourselves enough to hear that energy.
I sometimes have a ringing in my ear…
not the high pitched…
too much pressure…
ringing, but a low pitched or variable ringing.
I ask the Divine to allow me to understand what I am hearing.
Generally I have a sense of a message.
The most amazing experience I've ever had with this was years ago (I think I might heave told you this previously). I heard a peculiar ringing and asked to hear its message. Clearly I understood it to be Grammy telling me to be kind and compassionate to our Mom, "you don't know what she's lived through". I had just been on a rant about how uncaring and inattentive she is. It changed me…
at least slightly.
I wish we could telepathically communicate. We should try an experiment.
Next time you blog think a simple, uncommon word…
tell me when you've got it set in your head…
think it over several times throughout the day...
I will try to sense it and write it the next time that I blog.
It might be interesting.
Perhaps we can live free of cell phone charges and electromagnetic waves.
My young man was looking at Dragonball Z pictures today and wanted to understand the drawings of their auras and their manipulation of energy. We talked about all matter being made of energy and that our bodies' energies extend beyond the boundaries of our physical bodies. He is fascinated by so many things. I was explaining reiki to him last evening…
he is really interested in so many things…
I love talking with him.
He was watching basketball this afternoon and I gave him one of my student's projects discussing the healthy issues of drinking Mountain Dew…
it was really gross…
eroded enamel…
bone depletion…
diabetes…
he went so far as to cite that you can dissolve a mouse in Mountain Dew…
He came up and said he'll not drink mountain dew anymore…
we shall see.
I love this final project. It challenges them to change one habit for two weeks. Many say that they feel better than they have in a long time…
despite the variety of things they identify as unhealthy…
they all notice a big change…
and, they realize they hold the power necessary to change things.
I spent my afternoon reading their papers…
it was great.
I spent the morning at our Quarterly gathering. It is always good to see Friends I only see once a year. I was talking with one woman who asked if I had been there all weekend. No, I was too busy to spend the whole weekend I replied. I realized how ridiculous that sounds. I could have made it a priority. I could have made arrangements. I am going to seriously try next year. I did a workshop/discussion on environmental changes/climate change with a Friend who is a chemist. He approaches it from a chemist's perspective and I do it from a biology and social justice perspective. I focused on health outcomes and climates justice issues. It was a comfortable group. I think it was well received.
I have a bunch to still do before bed. I love you sister.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie
processed
Hi Maggie,
You said you were feeling a little pouty as a result of feeling used. It doesn't seem pouty to me. It seems genuinely aware. We have been so enculturated to be good, to say yes, to find a way to do whatever is asked of us. Being aware of growing resentment strikes me as being very powerful and appropriate. You are learning to set boundaries. I think you should be proud of yourself.
Yeah...don't talk about his mother's visit. Wait and see if he opens way. Then he'll be able to hear you and not be freaked out!!!
I saw a movie many, many years ago called Made In Heaven. It fascinated me, and so I watched it many times. A young man dies, he drowns while saving someone's life. He goes to heaven, falls in love. Then when his beloved is incarnated, he reincarnates, trying to find her.
Today in the silence, I was remembering the movie, and the depiction of heaven. People thought of something, and it happened. They had time to design, make art, garden, make music, converse, learn languages - to explore all forms of creativity. They communicated at distance by projecting thoughts to each other.
And in the silence, I got the message that this is primal. The availability and use of all frequencies and energies. The communication devices we use now lasso specific frequencies and force them of serve us. But because it is not full spectrum, it is causing blocks and imbalances. I'm not sure exactly what this means, except maybe we don't need cell phones...The technology we are developing is coming from the yellow chakra, the need to enslave and control - everything.
It sort of goes on my middle of the night musings. I was thinking about the effects of sugar, especially, and flour on my body. I understood that it causes great imbalance. And the imbalance in my body is reflected in the imbalance on Earth...I think because of the reliance on processed foods.
There was a documentary called King Corn which showed that we live on just three foods...corn, wheat, and soy. These grains are processed to look like lots of different foods, but basically we are eating only three crops.
When I had sheep, studying their feed rations was interesting. What was the best combination to provide good nutrition, to really keep them optimally healthy? I lost it, got freaked out, when I found an old, old article written about the proper rations for slaves. The recipe looked like one of my sheep feeds. Someone did the same thing back them, trying to find optimum nutrition at a cheap cost, for their human livestock. I started thinking about the ethics of owning animals. This continues to be a dilemma for me.
So I was thinking about food and processed foods and slavery...all in the middle of the night...and I started thinking that primal food is whole food. I love the description - local, seasonal, organic. I think that may be primal!
Lost in thought...
Love and hugs from Clare
You said you were feeling a little pouty as a result of feeling used. It doesn't seem pouty to me. It seems genuinely aware. We have been so enculturated to be good, to say yes, to find a way to do whatever is asked of us. Being aware of growing resentment strikes me as being very powerful and appropriate. You are learning to set boundaries. I think you should be proud of yourself.
Yeah...don't talk about his mother's visit. Wait and see if he opens way. Then he'll be able to hear you and not be freaked out!!!
I saw a movie many, many years ago called Made In Heaven. It fascinated me, and so I watched it many times. A young man dies, he drowns while saving someone's life. He goes to heaven, falls in love. Then when his beloved is incarnated, he reincarnates, trying to find her.
Today in the silence, I was remembering the movie, and the depiction of heaven. People thought of something, and it happened. They had time to design, make art, garden, make music, converse, learn languages - to explore all forms of creativity. They communicated at distance by projecting thoughts to each other.
And in the silence, I got the message that this is primal. The availability and use of all frequencies and energies. The communication devices we use now lasso specific frequencies and force them of serve us. But because it is not full spectrum, it is causing blocks and imbalances. I'm not sure exactly what this means, except maybe we don't need cell phones...The technology we are developing is coming from the yellow chakra, the need to enslave and control - everything.
It sort of goes on my middle of the night musings. I was thinking about the effects of sugar, especially, and flour on my body. I understood that it causes great imbalance. And the imbalance in my body is reflected in the imbalance on Earth...I think because of the reliance on processed foods.
There was a documentary called King Corn which showed that we live on just three foods...corn, wheat, and soy. These grains are processed to look like lots of different foods, but basically we are eating only three crops.
When I had sheep, studying their feed rations was interesting. What was the best combination to provide good nutrition, to really keep them optimally healthy? I lost it, got freaked out, when I found an old, old article written about the proper rations for slaves. The recipe looked like one of my sheep feeds. Someone did the same thing back them, trying to find optimum nutrition at a cheap cost, for their human livestock. I started thinking about the ethics of owning animals. This continues to be a dilemma for me.
So I was thinking about food and processed foods and slavery...all in the middle of the night...and I started thinking that primal food is whole food. I love the description - local, seasonal, organic. I think that may be primal!
Lost in thought...
Love and hugs from Clare
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