Why?

Clare,
I am, hopefully, in the last day of a 3 day headache. I get these occasionally. I am skipping Meeting because it is a long day with worship and business meetings. My semester begins tomorrow and I have some final preparation to be ready for that. I hate skipping Meeting…
probably my Catholic indoctrination…
but there is that sense of community and deep peace that I miss also.
I get a lot out of attending and sinking deep.

I had one of the young men yesterday. The younger had a tough week behaviorally so he was not able to come along. We went to the movies, met my #2 daughter and had a nice time. The house was very quiet. Husband was working. Son#1 was working and son #2 was sleeping very late. I'm trying to not build exciting activities into our visits because I don't want the young men to have a false sense of what life is like at my house. The older boy commented that he just likes the freedom to hang out and move around the house freely. He commented that where he's been there have been parts of the house that they are forbidden to go into. I just asked him to be respectful of others' privacy and space.
The simple things this kid wants, makes me ashamed of all the things mine want and say they need.
I think it will give mine a different perspective of life through the young men's eyes.
Husband and I are meeting with CYS and the group home staff on Wednesday to discuss rules, regulations, expectations…we're trying to get a clear picture of what we are potentially entering into. I am excited and afraid. Part of me questions why?
Why are you putting yourself out for some kids who may or may not respond?
But then I see this young man and he is just shining from within…
despite the garbage that's been shoveled onto him he still shines.
He is tentative about getting too comfortable.
He is timid about getting too close.
But, when he talks about his brother he points out that he and I have a relationship that's almost 2 years long…trust is excruciating…for all of us.
God, this is bringing me, all of us, to the edge of vulnerability.

The movie we saw yesterday was an action film about people searching for enlightenment through extreme physical challenges. There were many "zen" messages embedded within the dialogue. The one that stuck with me was that 'you become one with the challenge, if fear gets hold of you you become its prisoner'. It was a great film to see with him and my daughter.

Something interesting on the side…yesterday I was journaling and something made me curious about when I began to journal. I have a stack of 4 journals that I've written in for years. The first day of journaling was 1/9/05…11 years prior. It was mostly biblical passages with my thoughts and interpretations…the movement away from organized catholicism to self-directed Quakerism is documented within those 4 journals. Fascinating. Maybe that's the book I should write…my journey into the unknown, wild love of the divine.

Hold us all in the Light…
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie

4 scary things

Clare,

I found this on the book of face today and really liked it. It reminds me of our recurrent themes. I guess we are on a path of enlightenment…

http://www.wakingtimes.com/2015/06/04/the-4-scariest-but-secretly-wonderful-steps-toward-enlightenment/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=PostShare&utm_campaign=SSM

vulnerability
self-truth
ego annihilation
forgiveness...
they are huge!

I don't feel older overnight. I tried to analyze- or appreciate- that when I was younger too. I get no special privileges with the 54the b-day so no great shifts.

I spent my morning at a meeting discussing opportunities in this county for our young people. It was good to see so many people with different initiatives with the common goal of helping youth. There was one idea that has stuck with me. We were talking about changing parents' perception of vocational training, specifically the parents that feel that college is the only path for their kids. One woman astutely pointed out that there is an entire population of parents that don't engage schools, and particularly job training, because 1) schools were such a negative experience for them and 2) they have had no luck in the work force and assume it is a dead end for their kids as well.
Have we become this hopeless?
Have we lost the sense of bettering our children's fate?
How very sad.
Perhaps it needs to be reframed…
perhaps the lesson is right under the surface of this…
perhaps we need to redefine success and the journey of life.

Lots to think about.
Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie

get outside

Hey Maggie!

Do you feel any older?  I remember trying that on every year as I was growing up. And I never felt any different, any more mature.  That aging crap creeps up on us when we aren't paying attention!

The Eckhart Tolle quote you started with is the exact same quote the young man I mentioned used to begin his thoughts about walking in another's shoes.

Finished the Glennon book.  More at peace with being reckless and shameless. Very content with being love. I'm really feeling inspired to be love.

Started the Brene book.  I always love her work...

Not much going on, not many profound thoughts.

I've been dancing with the baby, just to move each day. Then today was nice enough to walk.  She is strong enough to walk a mile now. We move slow, because, you know - short legs.  But we see more.  Today we found tracks. We found deer tracks as we were walking in the forest.  So after we talked about the deer, I picker her up, turned her around, set her down and asked what tracks she saw...her own!!  We also saw turkey tracks and, we had to come home and look up the identification, but we found squirrel tracks.

We watched the sky turn vivid colors, the sun was wishing us good-night as we turned away.  My granddaughter and I discussed the difference between good morning and goodnight.

It was very connected..or maybe, I was very connected.  It's just own more piece of the ongoing - Get your butt outside every day, Clare! lesson.

Feeling very tired, so I'm going to honor that and turn in early tonight.

Love and hugs from Clare

truly blessed

“If her past were your past, her pain your pain, her level of consciousness your level of consciousness, you would think and act exactly as she does. With this realization comes forgiveness, compassion and peace.”― Eckhart Tolle

Clare,
This is something I think of whenever I am sitting in a counseling session…
or hearing stories of others…
trying to be nonjudgemental.

Thanks for the birthday wishes. I hope to give more of myself this year. I believe it will be in different ways than I've done before…variations on giving.

Today was a good day. I had my teeth cleaned and went to the Breast Center…
all news was good news…
thankfully.
Husband and I spent the day together…
talking about a lot of the upcoming changes and challenges. We are actually on the same page for the most part, which is good for us.
We've been trying to work on our differences by hearing the other out…
it's a nice practice…
that takes a lot of practice.

We had dinner with 3/4 of the kids…
it was fun…
there was a lot of laughter and stories jumping around the table.
I feel blessed today.

I will check in tomorrow.
Thanks of being my sister…
I am truly grateful for that.

Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie

It's your birthday!!!!!

Happy Birthday Beautiful!

I hope you have a lovely day.  I hope you have a grace-filled year. I hope you continue to be courageous and to peer at yourself, unafraid.

I wish you health and openness and love...

Happy Birthday, Love...

I know a woman who has been an activist for years. She believes it is possible to have a gifting society.  If you have something and someone needs it, you give it to them.  No stopping to consider whether they are worthy. No stopping to analyze the way they use their resources and if you approve.  No judging their possessions, or the state of their possessions.

If they need, you give.  Then let go...no strings attached.

Difficult.  Powerful.

I noticed people are beginning to buy women's handbags at second-hand stores, and to stock them with quarters, soap, sanitary supplies, wool socks, lotions, snacks, a $5 bill.  They keep them on hand for when they see a women in need.  I saw similar bags for men.

Gifting.

I love it.

It shows our hearts are softening, we don't have to judge whether someone is worthy. We just give.

Judgementalism has to stop.  We are taking it upon ourselves to decide if someone else is worthy.  I have been listening to a young - maybe he's a rapper, he's definitely a poet, named Prince Ea.  (I feel old, because I am not sure...)  This morning he said that if you had the exact same experiences as a terrorist, you would be doing what they are doing.  What has happened to us determines where we are.  And although we have one Earth, we have many worlds - as many as there are - us.

I have been thinking that maybe the most powerful thing I can do is love.  Love unashamedly, and maybe even fearlessly.  I need to learn to be vulnerable.

Because, you are right, we can't stop what is happening. You may not like tropical, but who cares. If this is a tropical planet, then it is.  I was thinking about tropical.  No one needs a house - it's warm enough to live outside or in tents if necessary.  There is always food available.  Tropical might be a blessing...don't need to heat anything, except to cook.

And I think we may be nearing the day when, rather than believing those in charge who tell us we need more electricity, perhaps instead, we will stop, look at our lives and ask - how much do I need?  Do I need another appliance?  Do I need the ones I have? 

Simplicity has always been my favorite virtue.

Love and birthday hugs...much love and many hugs!!!

Clare

too little too late

Clare,
A very powerful post…
I'm not sure what to say except…
I want will it to be different.
I want will to be a "leaver" as they describe in Ismael…
I want will to use what I need and leave the rest…
I want will to sacrifice as much as I take…
and yet I have to consider what that looks like.
Do I have the courage to enact that?

I think that our world is collapsing…
humans will cease to exist as we know them.
Perhaps a few will survive…
I believe it will be indigenous people who understand the earth and can live from it in peace.
We are in a mass extinction…
and we deny it to the end.

Violence begets violence.
The violence stems from the idea of scarcity…
the violence stems from a sense of entitlement…
the violence can be stopped if we simply embrace "enough".

I am heartened by the president's work  on gun control…
finally a courageous voice in the wilderness.
It is too little, too late I believe…
but it may push consciousness towards sanity.

I am judging ideas through the lens of this book, Ishmael, I am reading…
books like this are powerful.
When it was first released did it get much attention?
Did people talk about it in important ways?
I am new to it, and I cannot remember it before this.

Be the 1%?

Hi Maggie,

I don't know how you can sit and listen to that.  I get so upset, I cry, I lose it.  It's too much.  It's too sad. It's too overwhelming.

And yet, it happens and I know it happens.

The rapists and users are middle aged, white, married, employed daddies.  They are the ones who have figured out how to succeed within this system.

But there is something wrong with this system. The masses are enslaved to support the 1%.  The Earth is raped and owned, objectified.  Animals are owned, objectified, and oh yeah, part of the industry is the rape rack.   Women are owned, objectified, raped.  So are the men who are least like the 1%.

But those who are akin to the 1%, they are given a little. They are allowed to be slightly better than those of us who are actual, obvious slaves.

In order for this system to work, we all have to be oppressed.   I know damn well that those "consumers" of pain and innocence were preyed upon.  I know it.

I know our Dad could only molest his children because his Dad did it to him, and so the chain goes back into our black and slightly royal past...because who were the 1%?  Royalty.  I'm pretty sure that's where it started for us.

And to be a man in this violence - what does it take to appear successful?...Be strong, do what has to be done. Ignore the pleas of the weak.  Be strong, don't show emotion, don't show weakness, no matter what they do to you. Be strong, leave your competitors choking in your dust - don't stop, don't look back, success is only for the strong, those who take care of themselves...

By protecting these men, these rapists, I think that maybe, at a deeper level, rather than protecting their reputation, we are protecting the system.  The system thrives on the pain of using whoever is below you.

The military always stands out as a symbol for me. I read that 80% of female military report being sexually harassed.  I have read articles about women soldiers dying in Iraq of dehydration. They do not drink during the day to avoid having to walk to the latrine in the dark. If they walk outside, they are raped by our own men.  Our side attacks itself - male against female, the worthy - those most like the 1% - versus the lesser being.  This week I read an article about a man trying to report his sexual assault in the military. Can you imagine how hard it must be to be a male and ask for help?  Men are supposed to be strong, emotionless, self-sufficient.  The response - further assaults.  You can bet he was a man not like the 1% in some way - not tall enough, not white enough, not blue-eyed enough, not manly enough.

It just hit me that some of the power that comes from the "consumers", from the young man I wrote about earlier this week who was taunting a black man for no other reason than the color of his skin, there is an inner belief that we want to be like them.  There seems to be an underlying understanding that we all want to be white, male, wealthy.  I saw it in the man's eyes as he made monkey sounds at the black photojournalist...I saw the entitlement. I saw the surety that he was highest, and therefore allowed to behave in a cruel manner.

But rape, sexual assault, I am also convinced it releases pain.  It numbs.  It may become addictive.

So we can say these are simply bad men, or maybe they can soften, be vulnerable, admit who did it to them, so others can remember.  Others can say, Me, too, and change.

The big question is - do we want this system to crash?  Because this objectification is the basis of our western civilization which is threatening to dominate the whole world. Looking at child exploitation, looking at sex slavery, looking at environmental issues,all the issues...they are all about the few owning and controlling all.   If it goes down we will all be dumped into turmoil.  And who knows what our species will look like when we emerge.

I'm willing. I trust humanity.  I do not trust this inhumane mindset which is threatening to destroy all.

Didn't know I was thinking this, but I guess I am.

Love and hugs from Clare