Be guilty!

Welcome home, Sister!

I think the swamp is home.  I think we'll always come back home for little visits, even if it's just to see how much life has changed.  It's comfortable there - warm, thick, clinging, and so much kin to visit.  The secret is to remember this is just a visit, and we both know how to climb back out.

I think love is a bit more than that general spark.  I feel that for the neighbor.  But what I feel for my kids is a gazillion times more intense.  But I understand about like.  I never thought Dad liked me.  I still don't think he especially likes me.  We simply don't understand each other on so many levels.  Mom always liked me, though, so it always seemed.  The advantage of being oldest, maybe.

I married someone who really loved me, but who never really liked me.  We weren't friends - not really.  Why was this okay?  Why choose a life companion who doesn't really like you?

With our siblings, we all like each other - sort of.  not enough to spend time together, though!!!  I have been thinking about my relationship with my youngest versus my oldest.  And then thinking about Mom's relationship to me/us and to S#5.  And I have to ask if they are really that close, or if it just looks that way from the outside.  When Mom and Dad still lived up in the woods, S#5 never spent an inordinate amount of time with them.  No one did.  B#4 and S#3 probably saw them the most. 

With S#5, this is all still new.  We'll see how it goes.  And of course, now that Mom and Dad anre more central, they should see everyone a little bit more.

I think some of the Sunday night letter is Catholic mama guilt, reminding us of our neglect through the years.  Now they can hold up S#5 and make us realize what negligent children we are.

Going to help my kid focus and study...later...Love...Clare