About the Steubenville verdict...I heard the report on NPR and they were much in line with our way of thinking...these are young men who saw no harm in violating and exploiting a young woman...for entertainment...not only their own...but for many others watching...bystanders, cheering and laughing at the 'antics'. They spoke of a petition demanding that CNN apologize for their misguided sympathies towards the perpetrators and the lack of mention of the young woman. They spoke up for her...pointing out her pain and suffering. I was proud to hear press speaking out against society's 'norms'.
I gave my older son an earful about the whole situation...about current attitudes and how they must change...and about my expectations of him, as a man...I think he hears me and understands.
I saw that note from Mom as well...it kind of answered my question about his whereabouts. I hope that he is getting professional help.
I would like to come up later in the month of May...we can arrange it later...but that would work well for me.
I heard an interview today of an 18 year old man who wrote a musical about his experience with bullying. He said something very profound and something that many people don't want to admit...
that interpersonal violence...not matter what form...is about control and taking power from another in order to make yourself feel more powerful.
One of my current frustrations with this whole concept of interpersonal violence is that each 'coalition' believes that its victims are unique and therefore require allocation of limited resources to treat their physical and psychological wounds. If we could all step back and see that violence- intentional and unintentional- affects us in a similar way...the whole cortisol axis shift...and that the only way to treat this is to STOP it from ever happening. It does begin with the separation from the mother...especially when we are separated during stressful times...like your son and my daughter. There isn't enough appreciation for the role that mothers have in the calming and sense of security felt by infants. I remember being told that she was too young to know if I was there or not...but I knew better...I knew her from the day she was conceived and had already spent 10 months loving her...so I spent 13 or more hours a day in that NICU...It was so difficult.
I believe that violence is violence...
and that resilience is having loving support from those around you...
particularly those who are your family.
When they fail to support and love you...
you are lost...
having to make it on your own...
disguising your faults and weaknesses...
becoming impenetrable emotionally...
it could have all been so different.
Even a little love and support would have made a huge difference...
but the maintenance of the family secrets was more important than our individual psyches...more valuable than each of us.
What a sad, sad statement that truly is.
Maybe that's the worst violence of all...failing to truly love and accept unconditionally.
That's all we ever wanted...all we ever needed.
But we were less valued than keeping the secrets.
I love you...
Maggie
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