Mindset

Oh Honey,

I completely agree with you.  But I am so glad I made the hair stand up on the back of your neck.

I don't even like to kill insects, so you know there is no way I would participate in, or even condone any kind of honor killing.  But I wanted to shock...someone, anyone.  I want people to stop thinking the victims are left dirty, nothing more than garbage, and realize the dishonor lies completely with the perpetrator.  A man who fails to protect women and children has no honor.  The attacker is the one who has lost humanity.  And if any rapist suddenly saw the situation differently - I destroyed someone, I deserve to be destroyed...then there is the seed of change.

I want those men (and I know sexual abusers can also be women, but overwhelmingly - it's men.) to stop and consider being stoned or burned alive, or buried alive - any of those horrible things we have read about.  I want those gangs of boys who raped and photographed that girl in Ohio to develop some empathy and know it could happen to them.  And in fact it is more likely to, because they just created a world more seeped in violence.

We need to change mindset.  That was why the change in prostitution laws in Sweden was so powerful and so effective.  

When I finally told Mom that I had been raped, years after the fact, she told Dad and asked if he could still accept me, or if he thought any different of me.  They should both have been wondering if they could accept themselves.  They were given the gift of daughters and they did not value nor protect the gifts...at least not for three of us.  We were treated like discardable rubbish.  But, they did let us live...

And I do agree with you that all violence has the same root.  Whoever fails to see that domestic violence and bullying are not the same is wearing blinders, and has a motive for not seeing it - probably protecting self from pain.  Bottom line - violence provokes and seeds more violence.  And people will do anything to stop the pain.  And I believe that by listening, we can help people recover their innate humanity.  Those who have been damaged need to be acknowledged while they discharge their pain.  Then they don't need to numb.  And they can begin to recognize that others are here, and we all have feelings and desires - mostly for connection and acceptance.

I loved the passion of your response.  It was perfect.

Love and hugs,

Clare