Pain is the root

I am not completely sure I agree with you about lack of respect.  I know it looks like basic disrespectfulness, but there might be a deeper interpretation.

I was married to an alcoholic for 16 years.  Living with an alcoholic is like living next to a black hole of self-centered behavior.  Everything is about that person.  Everything that is said or done is about them.  They take everything personally.  They can list everything that anyone has ever done to hurt them.  They almost treasure each wound because it justifies their world-view.  But they have no idea that they hurt others.

Something happened to him as a child.  I know about the violence and alcoholism in his family of origin, but this is not his story.  It's enough to recognize that it was painful.  When someone who is supposed to love and protect you throws you at a wall, your whole sense of the world changes.  Everything is about pain and betrayal.  Your whole existence becomes about pain and betrayal until you don't even know there are other people around you.

My ex never trusted me, even though I never did anything to betray him up until we ended the marriage. I am still his friend and ally.   He was trapped in another reality of family violence and an ex who cheated.  The way he treated me may have looked disrespectful, but it was really self-protective.  He was maintaining his sanity by being alone. He desperately wanted to be close to me, but not if he actually had to be vulnerable. The rest of us were not quite real people.  His pain created a world that only contains him.

These young people that seem to lack respect, lack more than that.  They are in constant pain from the inhumane way we have and raise our babies in this country.  They are disconnected from everyone, and know that only they are real...

Does this make sense?  I don't think I am explaining well, but I have a strong sense of this.

We are going to karaoke tomorrow.  I don't want to be congested!  If you get a chance to get away, do it!  Make a mad dash for my house and come sing with us!  You would be so welcome.

You comment about the seal chilled me.  And I loved the otter fact.  I want to be an otter and have someone hold my hand when I sleep.  The monkey-hornet, first I saw a monkey clinging (I've got a monkey on my back.)  then I saw it sting, so I couldn't really interpret, but I didn't like it.  And I have had similar episodes with ruffed grouse.  One broke my window and landed beside me while I was working!  From now on I will consider it a message from Grandma!  And ruffed grouse dance and drum.  You can hear them in the forest, especially during breeding season...maybe we are back to drumming!!

I am so tired.  I will be back on Sunday.

Love to you and yours,

Clare