We did have fun. I sang twice, and thought I sounded awful, but was told I was good. One shock was when a close friend grabbed my hand and dragged me out on the dance floor. I panicked and grabbed my oldest son's mother-in-law's hand and made her come too. And I danced.
This week my youngest had a sinus infection, and my grandson had a stomach bug. I fought the valiant fight, but after everyone left this morning, I succumbed to both at once. This will probably be a short post.
I spent time reading through Project Unbreakable. I was angry and shocked and not surprised at all. I was thinking about what I would write on mine...which I may do. I am also going to show my young friend and see if she would like to do the same. But a thought came to me...how many of these perpetrators consider themselves rapists? I think we have become so distanced from what sex is and how it is to be used, the gift and the sacredness, that anything is okay. Any body they can catch and use, it's okay. There are quotes about other partners being better, giving me the impression that some men can't tell the difference between participation and avoidance, shrinking away in fear, paralysis of terror. Like these people don't even know about consent, cooperation, participation. We need to be completely reeducated about sex, obviously.
The adults preying on children - well, my violent reaction is - if you don't know how to use 'em, you can't have 'em...balls, mostly. Castration works for me. But I would never admit that I harbor such violence in my soul.
When I talked to my kids about sex, I tried to teach them that there is a long and varied spectrum of sexuality. And it's good to explore it all. Media tells us get in there for "real" or it's not - real. We focus on outcome only, then walk away - so we don't actually have to be vulnerable. So many people don't seem to have lovers any more. Just sex partners. I tried to tell them to practice all of the fun things we can do before we get to actual intercourse (wish I could find a better word...feels like Mom awkwardly trying to do her duty and make sure I knew about sex while not actually say anything about sex.) I told them it would make them better lovers. One of my children had the audacity to push fingers into ears and sing, "I don't want to hear this from my mother."
Part of what we need to do is redefine sex as being between consenting equals with transparent relationships. No drama may equal boring, but the drama of vulnerability between two would make it worth while. And make it all healthy.
You talk about wallowing in victimhood - I recognize it because I do it. That is our form of disrespect. We have it, too. It's all a matter of degree.
My head aches...
Later...With love,
Clare
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