Easter

Easter was confusing for me today.

I remember about a 7 - 10 years ago I loved Holy Week...
I was the musical director of my Parish, That meant I was able to plan all of the music of Holy Week...
I was also able to use old traditional hymns and contemporary christian songs as well...
I carefully put together programs that told the story...in a way that touched my soul.
By the time we finished on Easter morning I was drained and then refilled.

Today, at Meeting a women did opening exercises...she told the Easter story from a very paternalistic point of view...she read 2 gospel readings about the resurrection and got choked up and finished the second one in tears...but, I felt nothing.

I sat in Meeting for the first 5 or 10 minutes searching for some emotional response, or an inspiration and I was blank. Not blank as in open to the spirit...just blank.

I had one child in First Day School and we talked about the readings and his reaction to the readings. I found myself explaining the readings as a story that was fictional. With a level of avoidance that I can't remember experiencing before. Our discussion led into the perception of good and bad which was more comfortable for me.

I ran the egg hunt for the younger classroom...that was fun. We even had a squirrel open some of the plastic eggs and steal the treats inside.

At home I had 3 of my four home and they watched a movie together while I worked on homework assignments  and grading for my bio class. Greg was at the accountants completing our taxes. We played scrabble and cooked dinner. It was all ordinary. It just didn't feel like a holiday or a holy day. I am not sure if this is good or bad. I don't want to become secular, but I also resonate with the Quaker belief that all days are holy.

Anyway, the bottom line is that I must be at an emotionally stable period...not able to be swept away.
Is that a good thing or a bad?

Love and Light,
Maggie