unbreakable

I hope that you sing your heart out tonight...and dance.
I hope that you have a great time with Sister#3...
and that she thoroughly enjoys her birthday celebration.

I was doing some searching today...for funding sources...and came across an incredible project by a young woman. It is called Project Unbreakable (www.projectunbreakable.tumbler.com ). She travels around with a photo exhibit that she is creating of women who are survivors of abuse and/or rape, each is asked to write a quote from their abuser on a large white poster board and hold it up for the picture...some cover their faces...others stare directly into the camera...it is powerful...and heartbreaking...let me know what you think if you look at it. I wrote an email inviting her to my university...the website said that she is traveling over the next 2 months and she's from NY...it's possible.

The lack of respect may be a deep lack of connection.
When you describe your ex's wanting to be close but not trusting...
of being afraid or unwilling to let anyone in...that describes me as well.
I am fighting to get out of the isolation...
fighting to be vulnerable...
but the flip side of that is that for 50 years I have been separated...
that damned wall built around my heart has done a remarkable job protecting me...
but it takes alot of courage to dismantle it.

It is sad that some (or most) of us choose to numb...
again important for survival, but making authenticity really difficult...
with alcohol, or drugs, or food, or sex, or busyness...
pick your poison.
Is that numbing the root of our disconnection?
If we don't allow ourselves to feel, or to truly see the other, then it doesn't matter how we treat them...
perhaps we treat them as we feel we deserve to be treated because of the messages we heard long ago when we trusted the world, and our families, and the teachers, and the clergy...
and the list goes on and on.
The problem is that almost all of us are Me Too's but we're too numb to disclose it...
too ashamed, too isolated...
seemingly stuck all alone in the swamp...
not realizing that we are not alone...
it's just too murky to see the others.

About my forgiveness effort (for lack of a better term) I am amazed how many times I find myself sliding into the "they owe me" mindset...it is really toxic. It feels so good to wallow there, with a sense of superiority because I was "wronged" and they are "at fault"...it really is the swamp...pulling you into that muddy bottom that just might be quicksand. So I have caught myself, numerous times, and I have consciously stopped the train of thoughts. I just acknowledge that it is no longer my burden and move along. It is really challenging...but getting easier.

I love you.
Blessings,
Maggie