reintegrate

Hi Maggie,

I'm glad you had such a nice time. I actually felt a little lonely seeing all the photos come up on the book of face...But I also realized I had never met Nephew until Dad's birthday party last October.  I am basically a stranger who shares some genetics.

And I've said it before...it doesn't matter if time to heal fits into your schedule or not.  If you are not taking care of yourself, Mother Nature intervenes and makes sure you get some downtime.

How was B#1 about the non-Christian ceremony?

We had a birthday dinner here today.  I am not sure if everyone is exhausted because of gardens and finals, but I felt like I was on the outside.

This is common for me.  But it troubles me.  I pokes my issues - I'm not good enough. Nobody really likes me.

But after family left my closest friend, who is like family, stayed for a few more hours and we caught up.  It is so healthy to spend time with someone who simply knows you and accepts you. I am grateful for this!

And I have been checking out my body regularly.  Today, with the gravity challenged parts...especially after five pregnancies and almost 14 years of breastfeeding...I had the impression my body looked sad.

There is not much joy in me.

So I played a lot of music.  I danced around a little while I cleaned my house. I have been walking more, but I think it has to be a lot more.

Somehow I need to integrate myself.  Even if I am getting old, I need to do this!

Let me know what happens when you get your ankle checked...

Love and hugs from Clare

POPPED

Clare,

We are back from the southern excursion...
It was a fun weekend...
but not without some pain.

I was able to have dinner with a friend who recently moved to NC from my Meeting. We walked around the Sarah Duke Gardens and caught up. I last saw her when we were visiting while SIL was ill. We had such a nice time walking and talking. We went out for dinner...
it was very light and fun.

Saturday morning we 'surprised' B#1 with a birthday brunch. He had been accidentally tipped off by his daughter...
she didn't know it was a surprise.
S#5 was in charge of food...
she ordered it from a grocery store chain...
and made the online order for a store that was not close to B#1's home.
We had to make a quick pick up...
but it all worked out.
We gifted him with products to help with aging...
memory serum, wrinkle resist vitamins, cod liver oil, fiber...
that kind of stuff.
We had fun.

Saturday during the day, husband and I hiked along the river nearby...
a state park.
It was beautiful...
much cooler along the river bank than at the hotel.

Saturday evening was the wedding. It was a beautiful service...
non-traditional vows...
they did a Celtic Hand Binding ceremony which was very interesting.
The reception was fun. Everyone was dancing...
even Fred, Jeff, and Momma.
We had fun...
until the song "You make me wanna SHOUT!"...
I was jumping like a 20 year old and something popped in my left ankle.
It POPPED!
I haven't been able to put weight on it since. It's really swollen under the medial malleolus (bump on the inner surface). Husband thinks it's probably a posterior tibial tendon tear...
possibly needing surgery to repair...
I will call tomorrow to be seen and then proceed from there.
I don't have time for an injury right now!
The dancing was so much fun...
It is a great way to involve old, middle, and young...

So today we drove back home...
9 hours in the car.
I sat in the backseat with my leg elevated and ice on the ankle...
correcting my students' final papers.
I hate sitting still...
this is just not in my comfort zone!

You being alone at home sounds like heaven to me. Setting up a space that is just yours is a sacred undertaking. I wish you well in the process.

Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie

home alone

Yay Maggie!!

Yes!!!  I am so pleased.

This isn't going to slow you down a bit. Although it may be the moment when you think about balance...

Today is my youngest granddaughter's fourth birthday.  Four years ago I had just broken my wrist, and two days post-break I was in the ER witnessing an emergency Cesarean delivery. As they delivered her and wipes her down, they put her in my arm. I was the first to have her. I bent low and put her in front of her mama's face, and my daughter stroked her for a moment. hen I got sent out. My older daughter was waiting just outside the doors, with a camera. She took a few photos and then took the babe...

It is amazing when I stop to consider the adventures I have had.

Today's adventure will be cleaning the house and mowing the lawn.

I have this urge to move furniture and make the upstairs more usable.  When my daughter came home pregnant, I moved out of the big room upstairs into the little room downstairs. Then Nephew moved in.   He took over the guest room for a few months. When Daughter left to move in with  boyfriend, Nephew took the big room.

Now Nephew is here about once a week, and really less.  He is always with Girlfriend.

I gave up the upstairs, and rarely even go up. Now I want it back.

I wonder if this ties to taking back my life.  I have successfully launched Daughter, and now Nephew.   Maybe the house is mine again. Jungians would have a field day with this symbolism...But it probably applies.

I may have my grandson here later this afternoon, and then overnight.  But since his sister is sick - maybe not. But what I have is my first Saturday home alone for weeks, and the only until Memorial Day.

Sigh of relief...

Love and hugs from Clare

Clean

Clare,

my MRI is clean...
no tumor...
no scar tissue...
no leaking silicone.
I feel better.
Still pulling...
but now I can work through it...
not against it.

Thank you for the support and Love.

Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie

4444444444444444444444

Hi Maggie,

It's time to breathe in sunshine and bless every day you are healthy and have faith.  Which I know is a load of BS coming from me, because I am not waiting to hear, and I have not faced what you have faced. Just wishing you Light. I love you so much...

My late mother-in-law used to tell me not to pray for patience.  It was, in effect, praying for tribulations.  She was probably right...Although I am not sure. Sometimes I thinking praying for patience is praying for peace, and for faith. Patience is having the faith to believe it is all going to be all right. Maybe...

Do your Quaker memes bring anyone into the meeting?  (Maybe attach QuakerFinder to it.)Just wondering...I am thinking we could each take one social media and keep up with it...just to let people know we are here and we are active. I think Friends have been pulling together, focused on meeting and meetinghouse - a necessity when there is an old meetinghouse that needs upkeep...it is kind of like the meetinghouse reflects the state of the meeting.  We are not doing anything to shine outwardly, and so others don't see our Light.

I am beginning to believe that Sunday church is becoming passe. We need spiritual community, but I think the face of that community is about to change drastically. We can change or we can become extinct and something new will replace us. Either is okay.

I wish you lived closer. I would love to be your doulah!  That sounds like such a fun job. I would be the crone-doulah!

Arguing with the lunch-ladies sounds incredibly classist.  That might be something your youngest might want to consider...

So the spring has arrived. I actually have tulips and daffodils and hyacinths and grape hyacinths...and the lilacs are full of tight buds. I think this will be a year of bounty...I think it will be a year that nature rejoices!  Of course, that abundance seems to mean a shitload of ticks...so we have to be vigilant. Also a gift, I suppose.

The alarm jerked me out of a dream this morning.  As I woke I saw a screen covered in rowsof 4's.  I played the lottery with a 44 in the mix.  I am going to research the orange chakra , which vibrates to 4.

Any other ideas?

Love and hugs from Clare

waiting

Clare,

I still have not heard from my doctor...
I called today to ask for results...
they did not get back to me...
my imagination is trying to take off into a dark place...
I'm trying to breathe.

I had an argument with my youngest...
his disrespect is embarrassing...
he fought with the lunch ladies yesterday over taco fixings...
enough to get an in-school-suspension...
but it's all their fault.

I cannot take it right now.

Holding the Light...Love you beautiful sister,
Maggie

catching up

Clare,

It is a long, and strange ride. There are times that I am not sure what my purpose is...
Why am I here?
I have spoken the phrase, "This life is about patience for me."...
so many times...
so many instances...
I wonder what kind of irrational bitch I was in the past.
As far as my reiki healer has seen I have been the tortured and tormented...
but I also helped young men who were in trouble...
and I used physical discipline...
perhaps I was not very patient in that lifetime...
perhaps this is my mea culpa trip.

My Meeting is also aging. I was pleading for assistance on a planning committee two weeks ago...
no one was stepping forward...
one of the elderly members asked for younger members to step up...
I asked him to define 'younger'...
at 56 I am one of the youngest.
I do use social media for outreach...
I use Pinterest...
I have hundreds of Quaker quotes and memes gathered...
I have almost 200 followers...
That's not meant to be a 'yeah me!'...
but to agree that the message is being heard and carried.Try to find a social media outlet that connects with people of the ages that you attract...
Pinterest and Facebook are good for middle-aged and older.

I tried to call my doctor twice today...
neither call connected...
the universe didn't want me to talk with them today.
I will try again tomorrow.
If I have to predict...
there will be something in the right lateral aspect...
and I'll need another biopsy.
I'll let you know.

I spoke with my breastfeeding connection at the department of health today...
We are moving ahead with the planning of the inclusive- mother and baby- classroom...
cyber school- educational support and a postpartum doula or lactation consultant.
I have until June 30 to plan it...
then the pilot will run January- June 2018...
if the state passes the budget...
that's not a given in this state.
If you want to come down and live for 6 months you could be my doula...
teaching about attending and responding to the baby...
helping dads figure out how to handle the baby- soothing, etc- without putting a bottle into its mouth...
Singing and swaying...
creating stronger bonds...
attachment is key for resilience.
I feel so lucky to have the opportunity to plan this pilot...
and hopefully bring it to reality.
I am consulting with my University mentor to plan data collection so that I can possibly write this up for publication...
I'm getting way ahead of myself...
but prior planning is important.

I have only one more class this semester. It has gone by so fast.
I will miss this group of students.

Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie