yay us

You, my love, just wrote our 1500th post!  We are good! I feel like singing the song from Grease - hopelessly devoted to you!!

Yay us!

Do unto others has always been my favorite rule of thumb.  And you are right, it does assume that we love ourselves.  I had that flash of insight that perhaps many of us treat others the way we believe we should be treated. It always comes back to worthiness and connection.

I don't know what will finally work with your older son.  I don't know what he is hiding from.  I know you can't just ask him. He either does not know, or he won't talk about it.  I remember at one point you asked him if anything happened, he said no...but I wondered what would have happened if Mom had asked you if anything ever happened with your brothers...You probably would have answered with a quick no. Can you imagine any scenario in which you would have trusted her and opened up to her?  Maybe you could work with that when trying to discover the root of your son's discomfort with the world. Why is he in such pain?

I liked the SPICES reminder...I usually only think SPICE, though.  Which is your favorite testimony?  I'll tell you mine tomorrow.

I wanted to share a little of my internal madness. This week I saw a question I have been considering ever since...Why do Adam and Eve have belly buttons in every painting ever done of them?  I laughed, knowing it was a jibe at the creationists.  But then I though about Adam and his fig leaf, and Eve with her leaf bikini. I started wondering just how long we have been so uncomfortable with our genitalia and with the power of breasts.

Then I saw an article noting that vegans have begun drinking human breast milk.  Really?  All I could think was that for every drop some adult got, an infant was being deprived. 

I used to help a friend at farmers market. I spent a lot of time people watching.  I saw two types of young families. One was the proud parents with the pram, fully loaded with cushy toys and mobiles and things.  I saw babies perched in solitary splendor with a mobile above them and a pacifier in their mouth.  Then I saw earthier families, one of the parents wearing the baby in a sling of some sort. No toys, just the breast and the parent's presence.

I started seeing why we have so many things. Too often we prove we care by givinga gift.  I see it with my youngest.She is working long hours and has less time with her daughter. So she gets her new things. The baby is learning to be excited by things. 

The roots of consumerism.

And now...now...there is a new movement.  Moms are pumping for their babies, but feeding them with bottles.  We don't know how to share ourselves without a gadget between us anymore.  It's like a texted relationship.

I'm feeling old...

I'll be back tomorrow. How are you? Did you get over the flu? Are you getting more snow? We are!

Love and hugs from Clare

SPICES

Clare,

The observations and ruminations about the commandments are interesting. No wonder Jesus of Nazareth simplified it all…
Love God, Love others as you love yourself…
which presupposes that we love our selves…
Do we?
Do I?

I believe that the young man told me his story as a test…
if he tells me terrible things then I'll lose my belief in him and his abilities.
He asked if I was disappointed in him…
I said I was surprised by his choice…
I said I was proud of his honesty…
I reassured him that he has unlimited potential for good and success.
I want to take him into my home and give him stability…
but, that signals that his extended family is unable to give that to him…
I believe they will take him into their home for a period of time…
he'll misbehave and they'll throw him out…
abandoned again…
a self-fulfilling prophecy…
at least he can trust that.

I am having difficulty with my own boys…
why do I think I can help another young man when my boys a running "amuck"?
My oldest left on Friday…a snow day…and hasn't come back yet.
Yesterday I was in a self-induced panic.
I got a text in the afternoon…
it was from his phone…
but it wasn't his usual text…
mis-spelled, different words…
saying he wouldn't be home until late.
I got a bad feeling…and my mind went wild.
I imagined someone else had his phone and he was hurt…
the "bad guys" were buying time so we wouldn't look for him until this morning.
The phone was turned off, his best friend's phone was turned off.
I imagined the worst.

He is fine…
but has spent the weekend indulging in whatever his bad habits are.
I am worried about him.
He is withdrawing again.
I don't know how to love him.

The answer to the 10 Commandments is the SPICES.
Simplicity
Peace
Integrity
Community
Equality
Stewardship
That's the mature answer…
the inner-guidance for an interconnected nice.

It's time for dinner.
I love you sister.
Thanks for letting me unload here daily.

Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie

polluted

Hi Mags,

A friend of a friend died today. Actually we had two friends in common, and so I met her a few times, talked to her at parties - very occasionally.  She had cancer. I think she was in her late 40s.

Because we really didn't have a connection, I feel a detached sadness.  But more, I am feeling overwhelmed by all the cancers around me.  It just feels completely out of control.

Today I was thinking about pollution. I was thinking about what has been done to our air and our water.  I was thinking about our poisoned food supply and now GMO - foods that aren't even foods - yet we are expected to eat it, and be healthy.  Or at least survive...

I was wondering who thrives despite the poison, who succumbs to chronic disease. And I was wondering if we all have chronic disease, if any of us are truly healthy.

After all that wondering, I wondered some more...

I  found myself considering the violations, and wondering about psychic pollution, emotional pollution. I was wondering if the combined erosive power of constant attack by environmental toxins paired with the constant attack on our spiritual selves increased the possibility of developing chronic illnesses.

This morning I read a series of ten quotes from an Oglala Lakota Sioux chief named Luther Standing Bear.

He said that his people never considered the Earth as wild.  Instead they saw that they were surrounded by bounty. They saw everything as alive and felt connection and knew reverence and gratitude for the bounty.They wanted to be in touch with the Earth - they wanted to physically be in touch with the Earth.

(http://www.spiritscienceandmetaphysics.com/10-quotes-from-a-sioux-indian-chief-that-will-make-you-question-everything-about-our-society/)

It takes me back to our ten commandments.I spent more time considering the last five commandments - don't kill, don't sleep with another man's wife, don't steal, don't lie, don't covet. As I consider this list, I am struck again abut the way it protects the wealth of the white men in charge. Even considering the order. Primary is don't take their life. They, of course, can take ours as they need fodder for their endless wars.  These wars are god's wars, fought for rich white men, fed by poor men's sons.  Don't touch their wives.  I don't think this is about respecting women, it's about owning women.  Then the last protect possessions.

I suspect everything.  Am I nuts?  But the ten commandment guys own the Earth and all of it's resources. And they don't feel the need to share. I saw a quote from Nestle's CEO today. He says water is not a human right. His eyes lack humaity. And he has to make this assertion, otherwise he might not be allowed to own and sell the water.

We are so lost, as a species...

And on that lovely note, I will wish you a sweet night, and I'll talk to you next month!

Love and hugs from Clare

We did not think of the great open plains, the beautiful rolling hills, the winding streams with tangled growth, as ‘wild’. Only to the white man was nature a ‘wilderness’ and only to him was it ‘infested’ with ‘wild’ animals and ‘savage’ people. To us it was tame. Earth was bountiful and we were surrounded with the blessings of the Great Mystery. - See more at: http://www.spiritscienceandmetaphysics.com/10-quotes-from-a-sioux-indian-chief-that-will-make-you-question-everything-about-our-society/#sthash.CVfNA6c5.dpuf

We did not think of the great open plains, the beautiful rolling hills, the winding streams with tangled growth, as ‘wild’. Only to the white man was nature a ‘wilderness’ and only to him was it ‘infested’ with ‘wild’ animals and ‘savage’ people. To us it was tame. Earth was bountiful and we were surrounded with the blessings of the Great Mystery. - See more at: http://www.spiritscienceandmetaphysics.com/10-quotes-from-a-sioux-indian-chief-that-will-make-you-question-everything-about-our-society/#sthash.CVfNA6c5.dpuf

We did not think of the great open plains, the beautiful rolling hills, the winding streams with tangled growth, as ‘wild’. Only to the white man was nature a ‘wilderness’ and only to him was it ‘infested’ with ‘wild’ animals and ‘savage’ people. To us it was tame. Earth was bountiful and we were surrounded with the blessings of the Great Mystery. - See more at: http://www.spiritscienceandmetaphysics.com/10-quotes-from-a-sioux-indian-chief-that-will-make-you-question-everything-about-our-society/#sthash.CVfNA6c5.dpuf

We did not think of the great open plains, the beautiful rolling hills, the winding streams with tangled growth, as ‘wild’. Only to the white man was nature a ‘wilderness’ and only to him was it ‘infested’ with ‘wild’ animals and ‘savage’ people. To us it was tame. Earth was bountiful and we were surrounded with the blessings of the Great Mystery. - See more at: http://www.spiritscienceandmetaphysics.com/10-quotes-from-a-sioux-indian-chief-that-will-make-you-question-everything-about-our-society/#sthash.CVfNA6c5.dpuf

We did not think of the great open plains, the beautiful rolling hills, the winding streams with tangled growth, as ‘wild’. Only to the white man was nature a ‘wilderness’ and only to him was it ‘infested’ with ‘wild’ animals and ‘savage’ people. To us it was tame. Earth was bountiful and we were surrounded with the blessings of the Great Mystery. - See more at: http://www.spiritscienceandmetaphysics.com/10-quotes-from-a-sioux-indian-chief-that-will-make-you-question-everything-about-our-society/#sthash.CVfNA6c5.dpuf

We did not think of the great open plains, the beautiful rolling hills, the winding streams with tangled growth, as ‘wild’. Only to the white man was nature a ‘wilderness’ and only to him was it ‘infested’ with ‘wild’ animals and ‘savage’ people. To us it was tame. Earth was bountiful and we were surrounded with the blessings of the Great Mystery. - See more at: http://www.spiritscienceandmetaphysics.com/10-quotes-from-a-sioux-indian-chief-that-will-make-you-question-everything-about-our-society/#sthash.CVfNA6c5.dpuf

We did not think of the great open plains, the beautiful rolling hills, the winding streams with tangled growth, as ‘wild’. Only to the white man was nature a ‘wilderness’ and only to him was it ‘infested’ with ‘wild’ animals and ‘savage’ people. To us it was tame. Earth was bountiful and we were surrounded with the blessings of the Great Mystery. - See more at: http://www.spiritscienceandmetaphysics.com/10-quotes-from-a-sioux-indian-chief-that-will-make-you-question-everything-about-our-society/#sthash.CVfNA6c5.dpuf

We did not think of the great open plains, the beautiful rolling hills, the winding streams with tangled growth, as ‘wild’. Only to the white man was nature a ‘wilderness’ and only to him was it ‘infested’ with ‘wild’ animals and ‘savage’ people. To us it was tame. Earth was bountiful and we were surrounded with the blessings of the Great Mystery. - See more at: http://www.spiritscienceandmetaphysics.com/10-quotes-from-a-sioux-indian-chief-that-will-make-you-question-everything-about-our-society/#sthash.CVfNA6c5.dpuf

We did not think of the great open plains, the beautiful rolling hills, the winding streams with tangled growth, as ‘wild’. Only to the white man was nature a ‘wilderness’ and only to him was it ‘infested’ with ‘wild’ animals and ‘savage’ people. To us it was tame. Earth was bountiful and we were surrounded with the blessings of the Great Mystery. - See more at: http://www.spiritscienceandmetaphysics.com/10-quotes-from-a-sioux-indian-chief-that-will-make-you-question-everything-about-our-society/#sthash.CVfNA6c5.dpuf

We did not think of the great open plains, the beautiful rolling hills, the winding streams with tangled growth, as ‘wild’. Only to the white man was nature a ‘wilderness’ and only to him was it ‘infested’ with ‘wild’ animals and ‘savage’ people. To us it was tame. Earth was bountiful and we were surrounded with the blessings of the Great Mystery. - See more at: http://www.spiritscienceandmetaphysics.com/10-quotes-from-a-sioux-indian-chief-that-will-make-you-question-everything-about-our-society/#sthash.CVfNA6c5.dpuf

We did not think of the great open plains, the beautiful rolling hills, the winding streams with tangled growth, as ‘wild’. Only to the white man was nature a ‘wilderness’ and only to him was it ‘infested’ with ‘wild’ animals and ‘savage’ people. To us it was tame. Earth was bountiful and we were surrounded with the blessings of the Great Mystery. - See more at: http://www.spiritscienceandmetaphysics.com/10-quotes-from-a-sioux-indian-chief-that-will-make-you-question-everything-about-our-society/#sthash.CVfNA6c5.dpuf

We did not think of the great open plains, the beautiful rolling hills, the winding streams with tangled growth, as ‘wild’. Only to the white man was nature a ‘wilderness’ and only to him was it ‘infested’ with ‘wild’ animals and ‘savage’ people. To us it was tame. Earth was bountiful and we were surrounded with the blessings of the Great Mystery. - See more at: http://www.spiritscienceandmetaphysics.com/10-quotes-from-a-sioux-indian-chief-that-will-make-you-question-everything-about-our-society/#sthash.CVfNA6c5.dpuf

We did not think of the great open plains, the beautiful rolling hills, the winding streams with tangled growth, as ‘wild’. Only to the white man was nature a ‘wilderness’ and only to him was it ‘infested’ with ‘wild’ animals and ‘savage’ people. To us it was tame. Earth was bountiful and we were surrounded with the blessings of the Great Mystery. - See more at: http://www.spiritscienceandmetaphysics.com/10-quotes-from-a-sioux-indian-chief-that-will-make-you-question-everything-about-our-society/#sthash.CVfNA6c5.dpuf

We did not think of the great open plains, the beautiful rolling hills, the winding streams with tangled growth, as ‘wild’. Only to the white man was nature a ‘wilderness’ and only to him was it ‘infested’ with ‘wild’ animals and ‘savage’ people. To us it was tame. Earth was bountiful and we were surrounded with the blessings of the Great Mystery. - See more at: http://www.spiritscienceandmetaphysics.com/10-quotes-from-a-sioux-indian-chief-that-will-make-you-question-everything-about-our-society/#sthash.CVfNA6c5.dpuf

We did not think of the great open plains, the beautiful rolling hills, the winding streams with tangled growth, as ‘wild’. Only to the white man was nature a ‘wilderness’ and only to him was it ‘infested’ with ‘wild’ animals and ‘savage’ people. To us it was tame. Earth was bountiful and we were surrounded with the blessings of the Great Mystery. - See more at: http://www.spiritscienceandmetaphysics.com/10-quotes-from-a-sioux-indian-chief-that-will-make-you-question-everything-about-our-society/#sthash.CVfNA6c5.dpuf

commandments

Hi Maggie,

I have a feeling you were truly connected to the young man. His life, so far, has taught him that he is not worthy of connection.  So he did something "bad" to maintain the status quo.  I have seen so many good people do something "bad" just to prove their parents right.  I wonder if it's another face of addiction, just as some people are addicted to being abused, and continually go back to their abuser.  I wonder if this young man you are working with will have to do seven stupid things to see if there really is a connection...

The baby was glassy eyes yesterday, and so I held her while she took a very long nap. Then last night, by the time she was asleep, so was I. Today went almost the same. She is simply having a very difficult time falling asleep.  She may be fighting the latest bug, or getting teeth, or getting ready to make some big developmental step or maybe she is about to grow.  Something is off.  Her mama is exhausted.  Because of chaos at work and very low temperatures, the baby will stay here tonight. I'm gonna be tired!

Try sensing the chakras.  Feet, knees, public bone, between the ovaries, just above the naval but below the solar plexus, over the heart, over the thyroid, in the middle of the foreheard, top of the head, then a few above. Once you can feel them, apply colors.  Let me know how it goes. Once you can sense them, clear them and see how you feel.

I have been stuck on your comment about the ten commandments.  Sister made us memorize them and recite them, along with the Baltimore Catechism and the Apostles' Creed.  We were indoctrinated. If it's truth, one does not have to force young children to learn this and regurgitate upon command.  It's been so many years, I had to review the commandments. I see that one through four are forcing us to participate in a religion.  We are not allowed to honor any other gods or god-like images, we are not allowed to swear and we must go to church on the Sabbath.  Pretty interesting beginning!  Next, we are obliged to honor our father and mother. It does not matter if they are honorable people. And they don't have to honor us. But we must obey authority.  Sort of prepares us for obeying the Great  White Fathers in Washington. More indoctrination.  So half are about obedience and conformity - but not about being a decent person.

Lastly we have - No killing, No adultery, No stealing, No Lying, No coveting.  Yeah, I think we missed something here. There is nothing about stewardship and living lightly on the planet. There is nothing about slavery, protecting others from it.  Nothing protects women or children. It almost seems as if these rules protect ownership and white patriarchy. 

I think we need other rules.  We need something more Earthly and humane.

And, it's late. I missed you yesterday. I hope you are feeling better.

Hugs from Clare

A little broken hearted

Clare,

How do you know that you're in a chakra? How do you sense where your center is? I'm asking because I don't know. I don't sense colors. I don't have a great sense of energy flow in my body except when my reiki healer is working on me. I understand the principles, but I just don't feel it. Or maybe I don't trust it. I've only seen two or three auras in my life. I'm not acutely psychic. But I have good intuition…why am I rambling here?

My heart was broken a little today. A young client told me that he made a bomb threat two weeks ago. I saw him today and he told me the whole story, matter-of-factly. He is the epitome of believing that he deserves garbage in his life. He was really doing well. School was going well. He was about to leave a group home and move in with extended family. He was writing short stories. He was happy. And then, one day he was tired and decided to write a note that claimed a bomb was in the school. He claims he just wanted to leave school that day. I am heartbroken because he doesn't trust anyone to reach out before he makes such a sabotaging move. I thought we were connected. I was wrong. He trusts no one. He doesn't believe he deserves happiness or success. He's been abandoned numerous times during his life. He has taken all of those negative messages to heart. It makes me so very sad, to see that much raw potential in front of me and not have him believe it….or to flush it all away with a note that threatens violence.

I've got several young men, clients, who are in crisis right now. It is difficult to deal with as I struggle with my own sons' choices. And yet, I know that I am meant to help them, somehow, someway.

I'm sorry for the baby's distress. I hope that she gets a break…for all of your sakes. I'm having a lot of wheezing with this cold. My lungs have gotten more and more reactive as I age. I'm wondering if I should see a pulmonologist, but I hate meds…and I'd complain about anything they'd prescribe. I'm really stubborn.

Love and Light.
Maggie

be the leaf

And the worst thing was, in all my innocence and naivete, I believed it. I believed I was bad. I believed I was not worthy of god's love.  Pile that message on the one we got at home - "You damned kids, it's all your fault"and it's amazing I am not more screwed up.  Well, all of us- that we are not all more screwed up.

All my life, that has been the message - I'm not good enough.  And no one has to tell me that any more. I have internalized and totally enslaved myself.

So, how do we clear the slate, or start over on a fresh piece of paper, one that does not have any black marks demonstrating to the world that I am not good enough...not even god can love me, not even my dad...

Pretty powerful, and that came out of nowhere!

The baby is having a hard time lately. I'm not sure if she is getting sick or if she is cutting her two-year molars.  She is not sleeping well, and is pretty clingy. Her mama looks exhausted. Her mima does too.

To entertain her tonight I was playing music videos for her. I found an old one, of Kermit the Frog singing It's Not Easy Being Green.  He compares green to other brighter colors and sings that these things are noticed while green is missed.  But, then he lists some of the beautiful, strong, healthy things that are green.

I thought about getting into the heart chakra. And I thought about living a life of love. Maybe loving all and loving everyone and loving the beloved individuals in our life is not about being showy. Maybe it is about being the leaves instead of the blossoms.

I'm not quite sure where I am going with this thought, but right now, it interests me.

We can be calm and serene and almost background support, yet be a powerhouse of love, be functioning completely from the heart chakra...functioning completely in faith, trusting the world, trusting the process.

It is late, as usual, as I finish my day.

I hope you feel better soon. I hope you don't get hit hard with the bronchitis type flu that's going around this area.  Take good care of yourself, love...

Clare

Love, not fear

Clare,

I think that those nuns were shoveling their shit onto unsuspecting kids in Catholic school.
It's cruel the ways that they indoctrinated young people into the Fear of the Lord…
better live through a priest…
memorize your 10 commandments…
kind of life.

I remember reading something that renamed the 10 Commandments, the 10 Commitments…
the premise was, that if you are living a positive lifestyle, these are ways to guide your choices…
they were the natural consequences of living from a loving, open heart.
They were not a means of damning people to hell or time in purgatory.
I stopped examining my conscience every night and let it go.

I am committed to a positive lifestyle.
Growth, love, helping…
responding to the Spirit.

I choose to live by those commitments because they feel right…
not because of fear.

I read once that all things can be forced, except love.
The Nazis could force prisoners to do almost anything, except to love them.
God is Love…never fear.

I am not feeling well. I have an upper respiratory infection and feel pretty crappy. I think I'm going to lay on the couch and preview a movie I'm showing next week to spark a discussion on domestic violence. Not exactly light hearted entertainment, but at least I will be resting. I love you.

Love and Light beautiful sister,
Maggie