Clare,
It sounds like you had an interesting weekend. I enjoyed mine as well. My youngest convinced us to pick up his Ukranian friend for the weekend. She is a lovely girl, but it definitely changes the dynamic of the house. Suddenly husband and I have to figure out who can chaperone while the other goes out. Anyway, they went snowboarding on the mountain Saturday, so I had the afternoon to myself. It was fabulous. I cooked, knitted a scarf, watched a movie, and relaxed. I needed that. Somewhere in that afternoon my headache slipped away…probably with the stress of the week.
Today I read the second of the 4 agreements…
Don't take anything personally.
This speaks to those memes that have been placed in our heads over the years.
If people say mean things about you, tell yourself it is about their broken-ness, not yours.
Conversely, if they say nice things you can't claim those either.
You have to find your value within yourself and remain centered there.
I was taken back a few weeks when I read that. I recently gave a talk for social workers. The topic was ethics of genetics. It was 3 hours, so the first hour I set the stage with some biology review of genetics. I got so much push-back…people didn't come there for a science lecture…TMI.
I read through the evaluations after to see if there was a way to improve the presentation and one person told me that I should have kept my personal information secret…I shared my years' journey to put a human face on the topic. I was devastated. How could someone not appreciate the sharing of a personal story? After reading today, I realize that person was dealing with their own issues and projecting them onto me. It was a sad outlet for them. But, I carried that weight with me for several weeks. How incredibly unproductive. What a waste of my time and energy.
We are social.
Our right brain is all about the connection we have with all other beings or creation. We allow our left brain to dominate because we like to be separate, ego-driven. But, in the end we still possess that pesky right brain…keeping us connected.
Why are we social?
I wonder if it is about perpetuating the species…
procreating and raising our young.
That would make sense.
But, there's a part of me that wants to believe that there is something more. There are lessons to be learned from connection with others. There are positive and negative interactions that teach us so much, make us stronger, make us more vulnerable, make us more trusting. The biggest lessons in this realm are learned from connection with others…socializing.
Can we change social?
Is connection an evolutionary construct that can be changed? Is the stress of our current environment demanding radical adaptation of social? I once read, I believe it was Caroline Myss, that said that eventually we would not need phones to communicate…that telepathy is quite possible if we just trusted and believed in it. But, she cynically added, that cell phone companies will maintain their piece of the market by creating devices that destroy that belief. Is all of this constant communication, continuously being on line, a precursor to that time when we will be able to access each other without devices?
Our social interactions have morphed since we were children. We spoke to people, face to face. We were only allowed to use the telephone occasionally and for short periods of time. It was a shared phone for the family. I remember the first mobile phone we got…it was so big it needed its own purse to carry it around. Husband had it for work…he gave up the beeper for the mobile phone. Then all of the advances in cell phones, then smart phones and PCs to allow messaging anytime, all of the time. We are desperate for connection so we reach out electronically- and then, too often, use it as a forum to shame and belittle others. I guess that gives us power and control over the target.
I am on a rant today. My brain is playing with all of these ideas. I should end, before this turns into a dissertation. Remember, don't take anything personally.
Love and Light my beautiful sister.
Stay warm,
Maggie
Monday, February 16, 2015
Sunday, February 15, 2015
So, I'm strange...
Yeah, I know we are social, And I know that emotional trauma can change us, physiologically. But describing the brain as being a social organ opened my mind. I understood malleability and elasticity in a new way. We are definitely better together.We do need each other. We are tribal.
I hope you had fun with your beautiful daughters.
My weekend did not go as planned, but it went well. I had my three local grandchildren for an overnight. Since the older two were staying my daughter asked if the baby could stay too. It is so brutally cold outside and seemed better not to take her outside at night. Then this morning, when they were planning to come and get here, boyfriend's truck slid off their driveway. She called and let me know there would be a delay. Boyfriend's father came with his plow truck, and that slid off the driveway, too. So I still have the baby, and I never got any of the downtime I crave.
This is the longest mother and baby have ever been separated. I thought maybe it might be a cosmic test for the probable upcoming knee surgery.
When my kids said they were stupid, I told them no one could talk about my child that way...not even them. I wonder why she is so proud of it. If she willingly puts down the title, she may have to retire her role as victim.
The messages I heard/hear??? Mostly come from Dad. You can probably hear them all in his voice.
Fat, dumb and ugly.
Why try, you can't do it anyway. It's just a waste of time.
Going to college is a waste of money. You're just going to get married and have kids anyway.
For someone who is supposed to be so smart, you have no sense.
I guess I never realized what a waste of resources I was for him...You damned kids. This is all your fault, all your fault, all your fault...If I didn't have you...
The fat bitch comments come from me, but were seeded by our culture - both national and familial.
This weekend is the national bird count. I have been doing this for years and years. Your godson was my avid companion throughout his childhood. Now he and his wife still pay attention to the birds.
I have a bird-feeding station outside my office window. Because I am involved with work, I miss details of what goes on out there.With the bird count, we have to stand and watch for 15 minutes at a time. I discovered we have a rabbit visiting the station. I watched the tree swallows head off with the juncos. They are breast to breast, flapping wings, trying to get the other to back down. My favorites have long been the chickadees. They seem like clowns to me. But this weekend, I entertained strange thoughts...
Usually I glance from my desk, occasionally. This weekend, I stood near the window. My silhouette seemed to bother them. The cat, who likes to watch - with murder in her heart, does not bother them.
I was watching when nephew went out to full the feeders. everyone, except the chickadees, took off. The chickadees stayed close, watching, they sometimes even land on his hand to grab a seed as he is filling the feeder. They are not afraid. Or, maybe, they can tell that he has a gentle heart and there is nothing to fear. I was wondering if they had any idea where the seeds come from. Do they stop and wonder how abundance automatically and magically appears? I wondered if that made us god, sort of. Then I wondered about beings watching us and providing enough for us, whether we had any idea where stuff came from or not. Then the mind wandered to that place where I understand that I do not know a lot about the private life of birds, and I wondered if god was equally clueless about us...
Then I was thinking about how cold it is. I was wondering how these little creatures survive this brutal cold, and I wondered if it is as cold in their reality...
Then I strayed to global warming and climate change. even though it is really cold...the last two years have had some shockingly cold moments. But we know the climate is warming...most of us know. I thought about the voices that accept and understand versus the voices telling us not to worry, not to be crazy - there is no global warming. I found myself comparing - the Earth is flat and the Earth is the center of the universe to the current - the climate is warming...and it seems most people understand the truth. It's religion that speaks against it. All of a sudden religion and ignorance tied together in my brain.
Like I said...weird day.
And I work tomorrow morning, so I must be off to dreamland!
I love you!
Clare
I hope you had fun with your beautiful daughters.
My weekend did not go as planned, but it went well. I had my three local grandchildren for an overnight. Since the older two were staying my daughter asked if the baby could stay too. It is so brutally cold outside and seemed better not to take her outside at night. Then this morning, when they were planning to come and get here, boyfriend's truck slid off their driveway. She called and let me know there would be a delay. Boyfriend's father came with his plow truck, and that slid off the driveway, too. So I still have the baby, and I never got any of the downtime I crave.
This is the longest mother and baby have ever been separated. I thought maybe it might be a cosmic test for the probable upcoming knee surgery.
When my kids said they were stupid, I told them no one could talk about my child that way...not even them. I wonder why she is so proud of it. If she willingly puts down the title, she may have to retire her role as victim.
The messages I heard/hear??? Mostly come from Dad. You can probably hear them all in his voice.
Fat, dumb and ugly.
Why try, you can't do it anyway. It's just a waste of time.
Going to college is a waste of money. You're just going to get married and have kids anyway.
For someone who is supposed to be so smart, you have no sense.
I guess I never realized what a waste of resources I was for him...You damned kids. This is all your fault, all your fault, all your fault...If I didn't have you...
The fat bitch comments come from me, but were seeded by our culture - both national and familial.
This weekend is the national bird count. I have been doing this for years and years. Your godson was my avid companion throughout his childhood. Now he and his wife still pay attention to the birds.
I have a bird-feeding station outside my office window. Because I am involved with work, I miss details of what goes on out there.With the bird count, we have to stand and watch for 15 minutes at a time. I discovered we have a rabbit visiting the station. I watched the tree swallows head off with the juncos. They are breast to breast, flapping wings, trying to get the other to back down. My favorites have long been the chickadees. They seem like clowns to me. But this weekend, I entertained strange thoughts...
Usually I glance from my desk, occasionally. This weekend, I stood near the window. My silhouette seemed to bother them. The cat, who likes to watch - with murder in her heart, does not bother them.
I was watching when nephew went out to full the feeders. everyone, except the chickadees, took off. The chickadees stayed close, watching, they sometimes even land on his hand to grab a seed as he is filling the feeder. They are not afraid. Or, maybe, they can tell that he has a gentle heart and there is nothing to fear. I was wondering if they had any idea where the seeds come from. Do they stop and wonder how abundance automatically and magically appears? I wondered if that made us god, sort of. Then I wondered about beings watching us and providing enough for us, whether we had any idea where stuff came from or not. Then the mind wandered to that place where I understand that I do not know a lot about the private life of birds, and I wondered if god was equally clueless about us...
Then I was thinking about how cold it is. I was wondering how these little creatures survive this brutal cold, and I wondered if it is as cold in their reality...
Then I strayed to global warming and climate change. even though it is really cold...the last two years have had some shockingly cold moments. But we know the climate is warming...most of us know. I thought about the voices that accept and understand versus the voices telling us not to worry, not to be crazy - there is no global warming. I found myself comparing - the Earth is flat and the Earth is the center of the universe to the current - the climate is warming...and it seems most people understand the truth. It's religion that speaks against it. All of a sudden religion and ignorance tied together in my brain.
Like I said...weird day.
And I work tomorrow morning, so I must be off to dreamland!
I love you!
Clare
Impeccability of word
Clare,
I think we are social beings…
through and through.
The brain needs stimulation from others to develop ideas…
test theories…
center it.
The body responds to others subconsciously.
We need to be in communion with others.
Not with everyone we meet…
but some resonate with us…
we feel immediately comfortable with them…
and we begin friendships.
After my horse died my reiki healer told me that he has been with me in a previous life. That was why we recognized each other at that barn on the first day we met. I wonder how many times each day or week that happens to us? It is a fascinating idea.
I get headaches like that occasionally. They usually last 3 days…as this one did. They make me sick for the duration, but I push through and continue to do my daily tasks. I believe that this one started with my new job. The chair and height of the computer screen are different than what I am used to. That strains my neck and I end up with spasm. This has been happening since I was a med student, but became a real problem after I had my last child. He was so big, at 6 month he weighed 20 lbs, and I had to support all that while I carried him while caring for 3 others. I started seeing a chiropractor and massage therapist and saw them for years. Over the past 2 years I have a deep tissue massage every other week. She spends an hour on my upper back…and I still have problems. My reiki healer tells me the spasms are centered around my "trauma & drama" centers…more on the female than male side…you can interpret that anyway you'd like.
It is so cold here…they just cancelled husband's church service.
I am going to brunch with my daughters today. We are going to the Hershey Hotel to celebrate daughter#2's birthday. The oldest is meeting us there. I am looking forward to it.
I picked up The Four Agreements today. I read the first agreement…Be impeccable with your word. It is a good reminder of speaking and receiving from a place of love and acceptance. It gave examples of spells we place onto others by our words. Telling someone they can't sing, or they are stupid, or ugly…fat, dumb and ugly…
Those are the spells, created by words, that influence our actions and choices.
The older client I have written about repeatedly says, "I'm stupid"…
I stop her and ask her to re-phrase that…
I explain that our words drive our actions and that there is power there.
She laughs at me…
laughs at the one trying to re-program the thought patterns…
She tells me that her mom, foster- parents, everyone has told her that, so it must be true.
Who am I to argue?
But, I do argue…
not really argue…
but I challenge the belief…
over and over again.
We have many thoughts, placed in our heads many years ago, that need to be challenged.
"You're to be seen and not heard"
" Who could ever love a fat bitch like you?"
"Why should I take time to teach you sewing, cooking, piano, etc? You're going to be a doctor anyway."(Insinuating that I would be less than a woman if I became a doctor)
What are some of the word-spells that you've been placed under?
Love and Light my beautiful sister,
Maggie
I think we are social beings…
through and through.
The brain needs stimulation from others to develop ideas…
test theories…
center it.
The body responds to others subconsciously.
We need to be in communion with others.
Not with everyone we meet…
but some resonate with us…
we feel immediately comfortable with them…
and we begin friendships.
After my horse died my reiki healer told me that he has been with me in a previous life. That was why we recognized each other at that barn on the first day we met. I wonder how many times each day or week that happens to us? It is a fascinating idea.
I get headaches like that occasionally. They usually last 3 days…as this one did. They make me sick for the duration, but I push through and continue to do my daily tasks. I believe that this one started with my new job. The chair and height of the computer screen are different than what I am used to. That strains my neck and I end up with spasm. This has been happening since I was a med student, but became a real problem after I had my last child. He was so big, at 6 month he weighed 20 lbs, and I had to support all that while I carried him while caring for 3 others. I started seeing a chiropractor and massage therapist and saw them for years. Over the past 2 years I have a deep tissue massage every other week. She spends an hour on my upper back…and I still have problems. My reiki healer tells me the spasms are centered around my "trauma & drama" centers…more on the female than male side…you can interpret that anyway you'd like.
It is so cold here…they just cancelled husband's church service.
I am going to brunch with my daughters today. We are going to the Hershey Hotel to celebrate daughter#2's birthday. The oldest is meeting us there. I am looking forward to it.
I picked up The Four Agreements today. I read the first agreement…Be impeccable with your word. It is a good reminder of speaking and receiving from a place of love and acceptance. It gave examples of spells we place onto others by our words. Telling someone they can't sing, or they are stupid, or ugly…fat, dumb and ugly…
Those are the spells, created by words, that influence our actions and choices.
The older client I have written about repeatedly says, "I'm stupid"…
I stop her and ask her to re-phrase that…
I explain that our words drive our actions and that there is power there.
She laughs at me…
laughs at the one trying to re-program the thought patterns…
She tells me that her mom, foster- parents, everyone has told her that, so it must be true.
Who am I to argue?
But, I do argue…
not really argue…
but I challenge the belief…
over and over again.
We have many thoughts, placed in our heads many years ago, that need to be challenged.
"You're to be seen and not heard"
" Who could ever love a fat bitch like you?"
"Why should I take time to teach you sewing, cooking, piano, etc? You're going to be a doctor anyway."(Insinuating that I would be less than a woman if I became a doctor)
What are some of the word-spells that you've been placed under?
Love and Light my beautiful sister,
Maggie
Friday, February 13, 2015
no problem
Hi Maggie,
I had to look up hakuna matata. I see it is Swahili for - there's no problem. I have actually never seen The Lion King. I tend to avoid all things Disney. Maybe that's part of my search for the unprocessed life!
Do you have any idea why you were in such pain? Is that common for you?
My friend is very funny...I think you realize that you met her. Sometimes when she is angry or frustrated, she'll go off on what she is going to say in specific circumstances. So I mention she might want to think about her goal...maybe she might want to say...and I brainstorm. Suddenly she'll say. "Wait a minute. Wait, I'm writing this down."
I remember listening to a Quaker healer talk about his journey and his challenges. He started his work with AIDS victims who were rejected by their families - back in the beginning. He also worked with torture victims from east Europe. He talked about absorbing their trauma, about not being able to escape from it. Then he realized he washed his hands frequently during the day. He made a conscious choice to release everything he picked up from his clients and let it flow away with the water. You might need to find something like that. The work you are doing now is true and important. You need to protect yourself, or maybe maintain yourself.
I know I have mentioned the book Pronoia. I would suggest it to your older women client. It is such a fun book.
I found an article that made me stop and think today:
http://soundmedicine.org/post/childhood-trauma-leads-brains-wired-fear
The sentence that leaped out, grabbed me and shook me a little was: The brain is a social organ that is shaped by experience...
I never thought about any physical body part being social. But the combination of words simply struck me as being a new way to perceive myself.
I also remember reading that traumatic experiences affect the thyroid, inhibiting its ability to function correctly.
We are definitely falling into the understanding that our spirits and bodies work together, are really one on many levels. It means I am more my body that I ever thought. So often I have just considered it as a vehicle to house my real self during this lifetime. I think maybe I don't love my body enough..
And with that, I'll leave...perchance I'll dream...
Sending love and healing thoughts,
Clare
I had to look up hakuna matata. I see it is Swahili for - there's no problem. I have actually never seen The Lion King. I tend to avoid all things Disney. Maybe that's part of my search for the unprocessed life!
Do you have any idea why you were in such pain? Is that common for you?
My friend is very funny...I think you realize that you met her. Sometimes when she is angry or frustrated, she'll go off on what she is going to say in specific circumstances. So I mention she might want to think about her goal...maybe she might want to say...and I brainstorm. Suddenly she'll say. "Wait a minute. Wait, I'm writing this down."
I remember listening to a Quaker healer talk about his journey and his challenges. He started his work with AIDS victims who were rejected by their families - back in the beginning. He also worked with torture victims from east Europe. He talked about absorbing their trauma, about not being able to escape from it. Then he realized he washed his hands frequently during the day. He made a conscious choice to release everything he picked up from his clients and let it flow away with the water. You might need to find something like that. The work you are doing now is true and important. You need to protect yourself, or maybe maintain yourself.
I know I have mentioned the book Pronoia. I would suggest it to your older women client. It is such a fun book.
I found an article that made me stop and think today:
http://soundmedicine.org/post/childhood-trauma-leads-brains-wired-fear
The sentence that leaped out, grabbed me and shook me a little was: The brain is a social organ that is shaped by experience...
I never thought about any physical body part being social. But the combination of words simply struck me as being a new way to perceive myself.
I also remember reading that traumatic experiences affect the thyroid, inhibiting its ability to function correctly.
We are definitely falling into the understanding that our spirits and bodies work together, are really one on many levels. It means I am more my body that I ever thought. So often I have just considered it as a vehicle to house my real self during this lifetime. I think maybe I don't love my body enough..
And with that, I'll leave...perchance I'll dream...
Sending love and healing thoughts,
Clare
Hakuna Matata
Clare,
Good morning. Our school is on a two hour delay so I have 30 minutes to myself.
It's so nice to have a block of peace.
Actually it's been a rough morning…
I woke up at 4:30 with a wicked headache on the left…
neck, shoulder, temple- everything hurt…
my left eye was watering…
I placed 2 salon pas onto the worst areas, made a back roll and tried to go back to sleep.
No luck…
husband got up at 5 and brought me a heating pad and motrin…
5:30 still no relief…
so he did some pressure point release…
I went back to bed and slept until 7…
the headache is much better.
I love the point that your friend acknowledges that you have made her a better person.
You held/hold a piece of her puzzle.
I believe recognizing that in the moment is quite rare.
I'm proud of you.
I think you are right…
the best answer is to just listen…
to see their humanity as it struggles with the present problems through the lenses of their past traumas.
Yesterday I think I just heard more than my share of pain.
From the outside it is so easy and convenient to say…
get over it…
the past is in the past…
hakuna matata.
I think that is the strength that I bring to the counseling room…
I've lived through the trauma…
am wading the swamp…
and am going back in to bring others along.
It sounds like Harriet Tubman…
That makes me smile.
My own micro-underground railroad.
In a month we sisters will be gathered in NC. I am so looking forward to it. Husband is already giving me grief about going. I just smile and tell him that he can book the house any time he wants to. He gets into a funky whenever I'm not home. Next week I have 2 evening lectures and a play…he's complaining that we won't spend time together. I love him, but this drives me crazy.
Anyway, we will have a great time.
Love and Light beautiful sister.
Stay warm,
Maggie
Good morning. Our school is on a two hour delay so I have 30 minutes to myself.
It's so nice to have a block of peace.
Actually it's been a rough morning…
I woke up at 4:30 with a wicked headache on the left…
neck, shoulder, temple- everything hurt…
my left eye was watering…
I placed 2 salon pas onto the worst areas, made a back roll and tried to go back to sleep.
No luck…
husband got up at 5 and brought me a heating pad and motrin…
5:30 still no relief…
so he did some pressure point release…
I went back to bed and slept until 7…
the headache is much better.
I love the point that your friend acknowledges that you have made her a better person.
You held/hold a piece of her puzzle.
I believe recognizing that in the moment is quite rare.
I'm proud of you.
I think you are right…
the best answer is to just listen…
to see their humanity as it struggles with the present problems through the lenses of their past traumas.
Yesterday I think I just heard more than my share of pain.
From the outside it is so easy and convenient to say…
get over it…
the past is in the past…
hakuna matata.
I think that is the strength that I bring to the counseling room…
I've lived through the trauma…
am wading the swamp…
and am going back in to bring others along.
It sounds like Harriet Tubman…
That makes me smile.
My own micro-underground railroad.
In a month we sisters will be gathered in NC. I am so looking forward to it. Husband is already giving me grief about going. I just smile and tell him that he can book the house any time he wants to. He gets into a funky whenever I'm not home. Next week I have 2 evening lectures and a play…he's complaining that we won't spend time together. I love him, but this drives me crazy.
Anyway, we will have a great time.
Love and Light beautiful sister.
Stay warm,
Maggie
Thursday, February 12, 2015
surrender into hope
Hi Maggie,
I wasn't worried yesterday. I assumed you were celebrating your beautiful Aquarian child.
Your second client reminds me of someone I know. I know an older woman who I talk to almost daily - because she calls me and checks in. I think we all need someone to acknowledge us, to be our witness. We are almost more real, or more alive, when someone sees us. If we feel invisible, sometimes we go to unwise extremes to be noticed.
I have been talking to this woman for years. When we first started talking she was almost unbearably negative. But she has changed. Her need to get attention seems to have lessened. She is more patient. She is much less likely to complain now...she can roll with the punches. Her kindness emerges more and more every day.
She had a hard childhood...the usual story of screwed up parents, violence, sexual violence, rejection which, of course, led to a violent marriage and the eventual loss of her children...Lots to be bitter about.
She says I have changed her.
I have been challenged as to why I am friends with her. All I can say is - its easy to be friends with the cool kids. And...angels come in guises. Through kindness we have the honor of entertaining angels unaware.
Lots of times I don't think people are asking for answers. People simply want to be heard. If you hear me, if you acknowledge me...than I am real.
Maybe that is the gift we offer each other. I read a book about a primitive people. If someone behaved frighteningly outside of the norm, the others behaved as if that person was dead. And so the person did die, or they left. Maybe we need each other to make each other real.
I seem to be living The Velveteen Rabbit lately. Maybe I should reread the book!
You do have the answers. You have Me, too and you have I care. I think that is enough.
I continue to torture myself, as my youngest says, with dog rescue stories. I hold my breath waiting for that moment...at first the dog is suspicious. He begins to relax. The human gets a rope around the dog's neck, and the dog wails and panics. I know that feeling. Then there is a moment, resignation followed by hope...the dog gives in to hope and goes with the rescuers,
That moment of surrender into hope is the moment I wait for. I always cry. Maybe I continue to watch, hoping the lessons of these master teachers of love will help me learn to do the same...
I did a bad thing today...I ate a cookie. One of my neighbors plows my driveway every time he does his own. He says he just likes to help. And now we have so much snow and so much drifting, that the driveway was a ness. So another neighbor brought his tractor and front end loader over and moved snow. I was surprised, and decided to make cookies for everyone. A few broke, and I ate some pieces. Now I feel crappy. I think sugar has become poison for me. It might be psychosomatic, but we're going with this. I can no longer handle sugar. And I can't have it ever again!
That's the news from snow country, where the temperature is dropping to scary lows for the next few days...
Love and hugs and such little sister,
Clare
I wasn't worried yesterday. I assumed you were celebrating your beautiful Aquarian child.
Your second client reminds me of someone I know. I know an older woman who I talk to almost daily - because she calls me and checks in. I think we all need someone to acknowledge us, to be our witness. We are almost more real, or more alive, when someone sees us. If we feel invisible, sometimes we go to unwise extremes to be noticed.
I have been talking to this woman for years. When we first started talking she was almost unbearably negative. But she has changed. Her need to get attention seems to have lessened. She is more patient. She is much less likely to complain now...she can roll with the punches. Her kindness emerges more and more every day.
She had a hard childhood...the usual story of screwed up parents, violence, sexual violence, rejection which, of course, led to a violent marriage and the eventual loss of her children...Lots to be bitter about.
She says I have changed her.
I have been challenged as to why I am friends with her. All I can say is - its easy to be friends with the cool kids. And...angels come in guises. Through kindness we have the honor of entertaining angels unaware.
Lots of times I don't think people are asking for answers. People simply want to be heard. If you hear me, if you acknowledge me...than I am real.
Maybe that is the gift we offer each other. I read a book about a primitive people. If someone behaved frighteningly outside of the norm, the others behaved as if that person was dead. And so the person did die, or they left. Maybe we need each other to make each other real.
I seem to be living The Velveteen Rabbit lately. Maybe I should reread the book!
You do have the answers. You have Me, too and you have I care. I think that is enough.
I continue to torture myself, as my youngest says, with dog rescue stories. I hold my breath waiting for that moment...at first the dog is suspicious. He begins to relax. The human gets a rope around the dog's neck, and the dog wails and panics. I know that feeling. Then there is a moment, resignation followed by hope...the dog gives in to hope and goes with the rescuers,
That moment of surrender into hope is the moment I wait for. I always cry. Maybe I continue to watch, hoping the lessons of these master teachers of love will help me learn to do the same...
I did a bad thing today...I ate a cookie. One of my neighbors plows my driveway every time he does his own. He says he just likes to help. And now we have so much snow and so much drifting, that the driveway was a ness. So another neighbor brought his tractor and front end loader over and moved snow. I was surprised, and decided to make cookies for everyone. A few broke, and I ate some pieces. Now I feel crappy. I think sugar has become poison for me. It might be psychosomatic, but we're going with this. I can no longer handle sugar. And I can't have it ever again!
That's the news from snow country, where the temperature is dropping to scary lows for the next few days...
Love and hugs and such little sister,
Clare
Too much sadness
Clare,
I used the puzzle quote twice today….
thanks, it came in handy.
I saw some desperately sad people today. I don't know how to make them better.
I tell them that their happiness comes from within first…
letting go of the past traumas…
and then from connections with others.
One of the clients I wish I could take home…
a 15 year old kid who's lived in foster care for more than half of his life.
He is so smart and caring…
and his family of origin just cannot touch him…
they're too broken to offer him connection.
He told me that he doesn't know who to talk to…
to connect with…
he told me that I only see him every two weeks so that's not helpful when he really needs it.
I've asked him to reach out to one person…
test the waters with little things…
build trust…
foster the connection.
I hope he makes it.
I pray that he makes it.
I have a 61 year old woman who wants to know why she lives under a black cloud…
everything turns out badly for her.
She clings to every bad experience that she's ever had…
she wears them like a coat of many colors…
she is aggressive with everyone she meets…
And yet she doesn't see the need to let go of the garbage….
once she opens herself to let go the good will have space to enter…
the problem is that she has been hurt so many times she doesn't trust goodness.
Do any of us trust goodness?
Or are we just lucky when something good happens?
Are we worthy of sharing in the abundance?
I've asked her to start each day with gratitude…
maybe that will help shift her perspective a little.
It's been a long day.
Many people asking for answers that I just don't have.
I need a bath.
Good night beautiful sister.
Love and Light,
Maggie
I used the puzzle quote twice today….
thanks, it came in handy.
I saw some desperately sad people today. I don't know how to make them better.
I tell them that their happiness comes from within first…
letting go of the past traumas…
and then from connections with others.
One of the clients I wish I could take home…
a 15 year old kid who's lived in foster care for more than half of his life.
He is so smart and caring…
and his family of origin just cannot touch him…
they're too broken to offer him connection.
He told me that he doesn't know who to talk to…
to connect with…
he told me that I only see him every two weeks so that's not helpful when he really needs it.
I've asked him to reach out to one person…
test the waters with little things…
build trust…
foster the connection.
I hope he makes it.
I pray that he makes it.
I have a 61 year old woman who wants to know why she lives under a black cloud…
everything turns out badly for her.
She clings to every bad experience that she's ever had…
she wears them like a coat of many colors…
she is aggressive with everyone she meets…
And yet she doesn't see the need to let go of the garbage….
once she opens herself to let go the good will have space to enter…
the problem is that she has been hurt so many times she doesn't trust goodness.
Do any of us trust goodness?
Or are we just lucky when something good happens?
Are we worthy of sharing in the abundance?
I've asked her to start each day with gratitude…
maybe that will help shift her perspective a little.
It's been a long day.
Many people asking for answers that I just don't have.
I need a bath.
Good night beautiful sister.
Love and Light,
Maggie
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