Victims' choir.

Hi Maggie,

The holiday is rushing at us, and I still don't feel the spirit.  The forecast for rain certainly does not help. And the changes, of having all of my kids in relationships with obligations to be with other families as well as to ours - it just glares in my face. They are grown, and family is different.

This is when being single is - trying.  I feel alone. I have family and friends, yet there is something about being unpaired...I was thinking about it, about marriage and lack of, and I know I would rather be alone than in a painful relationship.  And there is something about my age, I feel like this is it for me.

I have the baby today and tomorrow and on Christmas Eve, too, when I am scheduled for a short day.  I will work until 9:00 am, and she'll be here at about 9:05.  Today reminded me of when my kids were young. I was trying to wrap gifts, and she was delighted by the rip of removing bows.  I was trying to bake bread - like you, I was making for friends and neighbors.  She was underfoot, taking drawers and cupboards apart. She was not entertained...I found I was not enjoying myself. I was stressing that the house is in toddler-tornadoes disarray...And then I started thinking about her. She is 20 months old. This is her second Christmas, but in the long run, this will probably not even be the first Christmas she remembers. She is being given gifts and sugar almost everywhere she goes.  Her schedule is off.  She is being dragged from store to store by tired adults...and she has no idea it's because we are celebrating a joyful season.

So we sat and read in the middle of the mess. That was my Light...knowing I could bring Light to a situation.

I have a friend's dog here for the week. And I still have our niece's two dogs. And our nephew went home for Christmas. So all of the dogs are in my bed. This is ridiculous!!

Just a final Christmas thought for this day...something I saw on our favorite social media:

Plans change.  People disappoint.  Traditions expire. Release your expectations of the holidays and be open to surprise.       - Cheryl Richardson

That can be my new philosophy for the week.  I'm kinda already there...


And on the Bill Cosby front - another woman said he raped her.  And the pro-Bill media are scoffing at all these women who are suddenly "remembering" 30 or 40 years later. Their attitude, their hatefulness, their willingness to protect the institution of rape no matter who they hurt - it nauseates me.

After I was raped, I said nothing. I didn't tell anyone for a very long time.  I never reported it because I knew it was my fault - my hair was too long. 

But I know who it was, and if he raped others, and  other women started coming forward and telling what happened, I would step forward and join my voice with theirs. But I am not going alone.  This is the classic situation for "Me too."  This is why women are garnering courage and stepping forward to support each other.

Almost like a victims' choir singing the name of the rapist...I kind of like that!!

My bread is done, my oven is off, the pumpkin is off.  I will finish cooking it down tomorrow.  Time for sleep...

Hugs and smiles and so much love to you...

Clare