Accept and Appreciate

Clare,

Thanks for the advice…
but…
I've thought about this and eating sugar and drinking wine make me feel grumpy and tired.
I really think that I will celebrate…
but without sugar, caffeine or alcohol.
This cleanse allows you 5 - 6 small meals each day.
It's a high protein, fiber and low fat program.
I've done it before and by the end I felt amazingly healthy.
I decided not to wait until January 1 to feel good inside.
So it is a gift to me.
I may cheat and have a glass of wine at a gathering…
but eating sugar- especially chocolate- makes me witchy (or the B word).
No one needs to experience that over their holidays.

I do remember B#1's tuba…
what a strange choice of a first instrument.
While husband and I were separated I dated a man who plays tuba (and other instruments)…
it has a beautiful sound, but it's so bulky. I remember thinking he was cool because he was in a band. I never saw them perform, but they had a cool name. Shadowpoint- funny how that has to do with Light.

I don't remember the connection between S#5 and B#1. I don't remember being aware of it until her wedding planning and she asked him to "give her away".
That relationship goes against our pattern of alliances. It was always two by two- but they were in succession. S#3 and I, S#4 and S#5, B#3 and B#4…
you know what I mean…
it was an odd number so you were the loner.

Today is the last day that I work before Christmas. I am looking forward to seeing some of my clients because they are so emotional for the holidays. It is a tough time for everyone, but for those that are brave enough to come to therapy during the holidays, it is a time of memories and usually untouched emotions. Yesterday was rich with stories and I was grateful to hear them.

I tried to wrap presents last evening. My chest wall was not happy. I've got to "get over myself" and ask for help, but I don't want to spoil surprises. Even if the gifts are for others, I love to watch everyone react to the opening.

I read something yesterday on social media…
It was something like instead of asking God to fix the messes of your life, saying I cannot wait to see what you have in store for us. It's about living the life you're given and relinquishing some of the control. It made me look at my need for control and quest to perfect.
My idea of perfection is inconsequential…
I just need to appreciate and accept the life I'm living…
right now.

The story of your daughter's friend is sobering. We too are on the periphery of a medical drama that is making me appreciate life and health. Daughter#1's boyfriend's mom was diagnosed with breast cancer a year ago. She has had a year of surgery, chemo and radiation- but is well again. Her brother was admitted to the regional medical center 3 days ago with unsteady balance, forgetting words, some weakness and has a large brain tumor. His surgery is today, It is a large tumor and will leave him almost certainly with many deficits. His chances of survival are not good. 3 weeks ago he had no symptoms. He has a 14 year old daughter who lost her mother to suicide several years ago. I hope that they can find peace in these days.
Life certainly is uncertain.
There are no guarantees…
accept and appreciate…
and enjoy the ride.

I love you…
I accept you for the perfectly imperfect, beautiful being that you are…
I appreciate you being here every day.

Maggie