let it flow, let it flow, let it flow

I assumed you knew you would be having day surgery.  I just wasn't ready for that. I'm doing my mother-hen routine. I remember feeling maternal towards you more than once when we were little. 

I am glad you enjoyed the snow.  We got it too.  I keep my desk in front of the window so I can look outside all day long.  I have an intimate relationship with the trees to my west. I watch them year 'round, and share precious moments.

So, what do you think of your new breasts?  Was it worth the pain of the expanders for all of these months?  Do you feel at home with your body?  Can we bear-hug you now?

I haven't started shopping, preparing, cooking, planning for Christmas yet.  I'm not really feeling much anticipation. I think I taught myself that.  I used to dream of, try to create the most magical, most perfect Christmas.  And when I charged at the holiday with that attitude, battling from my yellow "Will" chakra, I was always disappointed.  Now I just let it unfold.  I do what I can and enjoy as many candle-lit moments as I can.  Last year, we spent Christmas Eve playing Crimes Against Humanity. I'm still laughing at our irreverence.

Let's see what this year brings.

My middle son and his wife will be spending Christmas Eve and Christmas with her parents. Both are retiring this year and selling her childhood home.  This will be the last Christmas in that home. So already this Christmas is going to be different. I started wondering what would happen if Christmas just didn't happen this year.  The thought does not cause much pain.

My Light for today is probably that I found Grammy's wedding picture, from when she married Grampa Jack.  I was 16.  I was thinking about it. She was 64 years old.  She was short and soft and gray...but she was so beautiful.  I guess the Light is that she is still important, that I still miss and love her, and that I am still grateful for her presence in my life. I am grateful for the example she set. She reminds me that I can be important to my grandchildren, too.

Sometimes I feel old and invisible. Grammy reminds me that is not true.

I am working long days and Saturdays this month - get ahead while I can - so I am tired.  It looks like I may have Sunday free - no work, no grandkids. It is a gift I can truly appreciate!

I will be back tomorrow. I love you!!

Care