I felt Light

Clare,

I find it very interesting that you wrote to multiple family members while at college. You were so distant while living at home, but then found a meaningful way to connect with me and others after leaving. I guess it's the writer in you.

I had a flood of emotion this morning while meditating. I heard the phrase "diagnosed with breast cancer" in my heart and then the burning of tears in my eyes and nose began. My first reaction was to stop it. Then I remembered the Pema Chodron book, The Places That Scare You…
I decided to let it flow…
Let it wash me from the inside…
and I felt peaceful.
I felt Light.

I am spending today with husband's family…
and then we are decorating our tree as a family.
I am feeling open to the experiences.
I am going to try to have a positive expectation of visiting with his sister,
she's very much her mother…
similar to your mother-in-law…
The first sentence she says to me is generally, "Have you lost weight?"
I was thinking of this yesterday and imagined coming back at her sarcastically with, "only the 5 lbs that were my breasts"…
I think I will hold my tongue and be nice.
I am having a lot of difficulty seeing people who I am "related" to who never acknowledged my disease, diagnosis, surgery or recovery. I haven't heard from his sister in 2 years.
This also is an issue for next weekend…
I have not heard from B#1, B#2 or B#3 since my diagnosis…I don't think I've heard from them since the letter I sent.
Is this family?
Do I have to continue to care?
Most of my being wants to write them off and just move on…
but there is that higher-self within that tells me that this is where the growth lies.
I hate the challenge…
but want to continue to grow as a being…
so I will pray for an open heart, a Heart at Peace towards all.

I'm feeling strangely drawn to prison work…
talk me out of this one please.

Love and Light,
Maggie