rolling around in my brain

What day is your surgery?  That will be a day of Light for me.  I shall generate enough for you, too.

I didn't chose my hair color.  I told our niece I trusted her. She chose a caramel and a gold and chunked them in with my natural color - and actually,  S#3 may have chosen them.  While her daughter was working on me,  S#3 was warning her daughter to cover every gray hair!  Her daughter said she wanted my hair to look natural as the dye washed out.  She referred to me as the nature girl aunt.  I need to download the photos I took...

I have been having a few stray thoughts. I hopeI remember them all. I wanted to see what you thought.

First, I have been thinking about the rampant sexual and physical abuse we know happens today.  And I was thinking about your statement that you learned to leave your body, to astral project, when we lived in the house where most of the abuse took place.  I also learned to astral project in that house. I thought it showed that I had a strong, adventurous spirit. I never realized I had been shoved out by abuse, then learned to leave at will. So, while toying with this, I suddenly wondered how much of our New Age movement is rooted in abuse.  It sort of goes with my observation that the two most psychic people I know had wickedly awful childhoods and difficult adulthoods.

Another stray thought that is trying to work its way into my understanding was triggered by two videos I recently watched. The first showed a normal, attractive young woman walking on city streets. Someone close by was taping everything men said to her, and how close they approached her, their reactions when she ignored them.  Someone made a follow up of two women doing the same to men - commenting on their bodies as they walked by on a public street.  I remember once reading that men and women are so different, in the way we think, communicate, react, that we might be considered subspecies of each other rather than the same species. It led me to wonder how much we have evolved since patriarchy was foisted upon humanity by the Biblical patriarchs.  How much of the way women are nowadays is the result of trying to survive patriarchy?

Tamed women, kind of like tamed dogs....???  I am making myself nauseous...Must be onto something.

It seemed like there were a few other things rattling around in my brain.

I finished Brene Brown's Daring Greatly last night.  One of her last thoughts hit me hard...knocked my breath out. I am handling it gingerly - afraid of it, almost...

She said, "...I can honestly say that nothing is as uncomfortable, dangerous, and hurtful as believing that I'm standing outside of my life looking in and wondering what it would be like if I had the courage to show up and let myself be seen."

I show up, but I rarely let myself be seen.

That is enough for me to chew on tonight.  Love and hugs from Clare