Sorry for the absence

Sorry Clare,
I have been absent...but I think about you every day.
I was intrigued with the election for the past few days...
4 years ago I walked around and asked people to vote...actively participated.
This election I didn't have the time or the inspiration...the Obama victory is good, but feels hollow to me.

So where did you access this Shilo Sophia? It sounds like an incredible experience.
I am reminded of Pinkola-Estes' Los Lobos singing over the bones to bring wild life back into them.

I may be rebalancing...that's an interesting angle...I feel as if I am struggling...about to emotionally break down and weep at any time.
I went to Meeting this past weekend and felt totally overwhelmed...I went reluctantly because I had first day school responsibilities. A friend asked me if she had offended me...I could only say that the surroundings were overwhelming.
She wrote an apologetic email and I share a brief synopsis of the past 9 months or so...she replied that she had cried when she read my email, that she had similar experiences and hoped that she could support me somehow. I was touched by her offer.

I went to class last night and she lectured about narrative therapy (therapeutic storytelling). I finally found a therapeutic approach that resonated deeply with my understanding and approach to trauma. Anyway, the professor started talking about social activism and people storytelling. Well I got frustrated and asked why she was teaching us to exploit the stories for gain. She was taken aback. At break I explained that I feel so different from everyone else in that class...they all love the quick fix approaches,,,but I believe in the power of storytelling and retelling...until it begins to make sense and you can find peace...I went so far as to say that I have had to retell my story until I believed that my 3 yer old self didn't deserve abuse and then even go farther with the retelling until I could understand that the abusers did the best they could...acted as they had been taught...and then I found some peace with it all. Even though I have found peace, the thought of publicly telling my story to a crowd terrifies me...what if they think I'm...? what will they say when I am gone?
She apologized and talked about how not everyone has such deep hurt and that some people love to tell their story.
It made me think of Merton's spiral staircase again...telling the story at a depth that can be tolerated on that trip around...each time retelling it from a deeper level than previously...
I have to write a paper, bringing all of my thoughts and experiences with clients together...our personal approach...mine will be my own understanding of nurture and nature, stress, coping and diseases...It is waiting to break out of me...I can feel it formulating in my brain...kind of like a coffee percolator...I even have insights in my dreams.

I have to spend some time with the boys...I will check in tomorrow.
Love and blessings,
Maggie