shame, isolation and secrecy...the constant companions of the abused

Well, I do have to be continued dreams...
I have deja vu dreams...
I have weird science dreams...
I have house dreams...
and sometimes I go through periods of time when I don't remember any of my dreams.
I don't like it when I can't recall the dreams...I feel as if I miss opportunities.
I have not gotten my ancestral surveys back yet...I will keep you posted.

I had a meeting with the CEO of the domestic violence shelter today...
she was talking about research that a woman was doing about the lack of disclosure of sexual abuse in women who are staying admittedly for domestic violence...
she thought it was surprising that women would not be fully truthful in a safe place.
I teared up...
and proceeded to tell her about shame, isolation and secrecy...
the constant companions of the abused.

I told her that I was a survivor of incest and a dysfunctional alcoholic family. I told her that although I was outwardly functional and successful no one ever saw the real me. I presented the acceptable plastic me. I told her that I trusted no one and that my marriage almost ended because I couldn't trust a man that I had known for over 20 years.

No, I won't trust you...no matter how nice you seem...
I have been taught that I am garbage...and I believe it at my core...and once you discover who I am you will abandon me as quickly as possible.

I suggested that she watch Brene Brown's TED talks to gain a better understanding.
Sometimes the opportunity to raise understanding opens the way and I am glad that I found the courage to tell my story and verify the experience of so many abused people. Blessings.

This is a journey through the swamp to escape the lessons of childhood...
but I have learned that life's lessons don't lessen us...they call us into action...or stunt our growth if we allow them to.

I saw your youngest's facebook post today...
it broke my heart.
I started to respond and couldn't find the words to tell her that things will improve...
just trust the journey...
but she lacks the basic value of trust as well...especially in trusting herself.
I am sending her love.
Is she back in your house?

I am going to send her a message that she is beautiful, kind, talented and worthy of respect and real love...that is what popped into my head and it feels right.

I love you.
Send you love and Light,
Maggie