Blue funk Sunday

There must be something in the air...
I am in a blue funk today...
everything annoys me...
everything is a bother.
I am not sure what the root of all of this is...
I am sure that it will pass.
I ate some chocolate chips to get me through...
fair trade and organic-so it's all good!

I keep slipping into a focus of the future...
I am having trouble staying present even though I know that it would help.
I am having trouble even finding my center...
I taught First Day School this am so I didn't have the opportunity to settle in...
Oh well, my brain would have been swirling with future anyway.

I had a strange dream last night...
I was helping in a school, around the holidays.
I was in a classroom and the teacher had to step out for a while...
I assured her that I would stay with the kids and she trustingly left me responsible.
For some reason I was distracted and became very interested in what was happening up the hallway.
I thought I'd just take a peak...so I left, momentarily....longer than momentarily really...
Well I lost track of time and while finally walking in the hall to return to the classroom where I was supposed to be I passed groups of students going to some celebration.
when I finally got back to the class that I had left I found them all sitting in their chairs...feeling sad and left behind...my absence had cost them their opportunity to attend whatever celebration was occurring.
Well I knew that I could walk them to the celebration myself...but then everyone would see that I was irresponsible...if I stayed in the class I could claim ignorance...
I woke up still weighing the pros and cons of those choices.

I have some ideas about the irresponsibility...but I have never knowingly shirked responsibility...
quite the opposite is true...
I push myself to fulfill all of the responsibilities that are heaped upon me...
even though I sometimes do it begrudgingly...
It's also confusing because it is the first dream that I have remembered in months.

As for "torturing yourself" with stories of abused animals...I think it makes sense.
I resonate with abused animals (and people). I find myself reduced to tears at the mere thought or picture of an abused animal...probably sympathy and compassion that I wish could have been mine...somehow displacing that emotion to a helpless animal is easier than onto myself...
they didn't ask to be born or adopted by that sadistic owner...just bad luck...
They only want companionship and to have simple needs met...
and yet they are seen as demanding, pain in the asses who aren't grateful for the good things they've got!
I want to belong...just like they want to belong and be loved and cherished...
Somehow giving to animals fills the void... a little.

More tomorrow...hopefully this funk will lift.
Maggie