It's a good thing

I think this will help my youngest become the woman she has the power to be.  Already she is talking about her  future, and trying to provide the best possible for her baby.  I just hope she remembers this resolve when it gets tough.  Already it is tough.  She has pregnancy emotions and the ex is trying desperately to get her to talk to him, and she is not ready.

Do one thing every day that scares you!

I like that...especially when the one thing is intentional!!!

I took a long walk today and had a sense of being whole.  It was as if I were seeing myself, and seeing myself from a new perspective, but I was in myself, not hovering above myself, not afraid to get in.  I don't exactly have words, but I think it's a good thing.

Back to my dream - I think I can stay calm in the face of the family violence and act nonchalant, but I do want Dad to love me and accept me way deep inside.  Maybe I was looking at those last traces of the young girl who wants a daddy.

I am glad to know that you have the same pattern:  feeling invisible unless someone needs something.  I know that is a recurring theme with S#3.  Somehow the Me, too makes me feel like part of the sisterhood!  Now we just need to develop a positive sisterhood.  We are all strong and intuitive.  Can we find a link there?

I am still wondering about the half snake/half pen.  Will someone's words be poisonous?  I was relatively unworried.  I am very worried about what I will find about my ex's interactions with my youngest.  My ex never seemed to like the youngest as much as the others.  My oldest son says he feels guilty because he is his father's golden child, and I know the middle one feels invisible as far as his father is concerned.  He often tells me - It's not like you, Mom.  I like hanging out with you!  My boys are all so amazing, I just can't imagine anyone not liking them... The girls, too, but the dream was about my son.

I have my application ready for grad school, but my taxes are not settled because of the money my youngest made last year.  So until that is all straightened out, I can't apply for financial aid.  So it is on hold, but still in my heart.  I  spent time yesterday helping my oldest organize her entrance essays for finishing her bachelors - she is pushing forward and finding herself.  It is so beautiful to watch!

It is late and I have to work in the morning, so sleep well, sweet - or at least interesting - dreams!

Clare