A-muse!

I have been listening to lectures for wild women each afternoon.  Some of them have been interesting, sparked some thoughts. One put me to sleep - granted it was late in the week, when everything knocks me out.  But today...today a woman named Shiloh Sophia, who has Cosmic Cowgirls offered to introduce us to our muses.

It was unexpectedly powerful.

She asked a questions that took my breath away.  She asked if we had the inner critic...the voice that reminds us we aren't good enough and asks us who the hell we think we are.  She said that women in every culture have that voice.  We hear the voice, believe it is our own, and we believe it.  All of us.  Then she asked us if we had the voice that told us how right we were, how wonderful and intelligent.  I stopped breathing.  I never considered that there should be another voice.  Can you imagine it?

She was very poetic and told us we needed to go to where spirit and matter meet to unleash energy, to be reborn wild, to change ourselves forever.

Shiloh Sophia presented the idea that the critic is the voice of the quieted muse, that part of ourself that is supposed to be creative and fun and free, but who is silenced.    She talked about the way some women retreat...me?  She talked about gathering the lost pieces of our selves and singing over them.  I sing "Make You Feel My Love" to my grandson - it's his lullaby...but that is the song I need to sing over the parts of myself I recover.  I need to sing to my recovering tar baby tonight, I think!

She presented another idea/image that spoke to me.  What if our soul is an organ of Light?  What if we just don't know where to put our ear to hear what the soul is saying?

She led a meditation.  I have been trying to climb into my green chakra.  But listening to this women, instead I enlarged my green chakra, my heart, to envelope me.  It worked.  I spoke to my critic who is sort of like a cowboy boot - the better to kick myself, I suppose.  And I took away it's power and let it dissolve to what it is supposed to be.  Then I met my Muse, who is actually a part of me.  In the end my Muse joined me...

We were asked to consider, to complete the following as inspired by our Muse-self: 
(My responses are italicized.)

What I want you to know dear one is this:  You are loved.  Immensely.
Who you are to me is this:  All of the women who have aligned...then lost because next question came quickly.
Who you are to the world is: A survivor, a light-bringer, a healer and a lover, a lover, a lover.
What is it that is really important at this moment?  I was sobbing and it was coming too fast for me to respond.
I can not live without:
What is my calling?  To teach, to translate.
What are you keeping from yourself?  I am gorgeous when I am naked, and I am Light.

And I was sobbing.  I could not breathe!

So if this is successful, Shiloh Sophia said our Muse may want different shoes, different friends, different foods.  She said we need to make our lives a legend.  I love that line.  Make my life a legend.  In a way, many people know my crazy antic stories.  I remember attending a party just before your wedding.  I introduced myself to one of your guests and the person responded, "Oh, we've heard about you!"  Someone has to be the family loony-tune.  I feel like I have really fallen down on the job for the past few years.  But I would love to be the kindly eccentric powerful old crone that both delights and horrifies the family.

So I have met my Muse-self. Will I continue to accept myself and change, or will I continue to be a hermit?????

Love you, Love me, Loving everyone!!!!!

Clarely Clare