Treading water in the swamp

Clare,

Talk about a roller coaster.
So, the youngest is talking to me again. Turns out he went into the woods with the intention of getting really drunk- just to specifically upset me.
He woke late yesterday, so I took him to school late and we talked. He doesn't understand my reluctance to give him the OK to use alcohol and pot…despite explaining it as best I am able he just doesn't get me.
We are going to start family counseling and allow him to do MMA (mixed martial arts) run by a local police chief who has a great reputation for valuing discipline and respect. I hate that he will be fighting as sport, but feel it is an avenue to channel the energy he has overflowing in him right now.

The older son is really concerning me now. It turns out his drug usage is much more than we thought and he is experimenting with some dangerous stuff. He doesn't think he has a problem, but lying, stealing and using illegal substances is a problem. I am trying to find a drug and alcohol program that he will go to…but he has to be willing to go…they all require that he make the initial phone call. They say that it's a waste of time unless he wants to change. I have also messaged my reiki friend to see if she has any experience in this type of problem.

I am afraid of losing him- but the reality is that he is choosing to be lost. He thinks we are the enemy, trying to make his life boring and menial…and that his drug-using friends are looking out for him.
The drugs have really skewed his perception.

I spoke with a recovering addict yesterday who suggested Alanon…he said it would give me better insight and direction. I think I will make that step. This is really frightening…but I am not hiding from the reality of all of this…at least I am trying to not hide.

I am trying to find a place of peace inside…to tap into my core and find that balance and peace.
This is a different swamp…
one of my own making…
maybe an alcove of our bigger swamp?
All I know is that it is really hard to navigate it…
I know that letting him make a deal to get out of treatment is what allowed this to progress…
so I have to be strong.
At least I am treading water…for now.

Love and Light
Maggie