A good day

Clare,

I am going to vent…
and then move on.
So I spoke with Mom last Tuesday, explaining the genetic mutation, asking her to share the info…
then on Friday I sent her an email about needing a biopsy…
S#3 told B#4 about it so I felt pressured to disclose…
(I had intended to not say anything unless it was positive)…
and I have heard nothing…not a word from her.
I am tired of not mattering...
I am tired of trying to include her/them in my life…
and being shut down…
invisible…
unworthy.

I am actually doing very well today.
I am able to put the concerns into a place in my brain that understands the situation,
but isn't catastrophizing it.
I am grateful that I have a little time before any further testing to think through the options and make good choices.
I am embarrassed to tell you that now that I know there's an abnormality I can feel a lump…I didn't pick it up until I knew to check more carefully.

I have spoken with so many women this past few days who tell their own stories of breast cancer scares with normal biopsy results…I can hope to be one of them.
The problem is that pesky mutation…
that, plus the family history raises my risk from 8% to 45% lifetime risk…
I have no idea what that does for the odds of this being malignant versus benign…
but I am certain it carries a higher liklihood.
Anyway, I am not being negative…
I sang today…
I laughed today…
I spent time outdoors at an Earth Day gathering…
all in all it was a good day.

I hope your weekend was peaceful as well.
Love and Light,
Maggie