Home sings me of sweet things...

I don't know if I ever learned that being myself was evil, as much as just not acceptable, not loveable.  Also, those who have the nerve to be different are targeted.  We are all afraid in this violent society.  Free spirits scare the crap out of us, and so we squash them, just to make ourselves comfortable.

I've always been a bit of a nonconformist - not nearly as much as I wish, or dream, or imagine - but some.  Later, I notice people imitating me. Someone has to go first.

West coast dreams are most likely related to my strong desire to see my son and his family.  There has been a lot of connection lately, and I miss them, and worry about them, and dream of being with them.  Maybe I'm also dreaming of having the freedom to take off, just because I want to or whenever I am needed.

Hey, goooood point - learn to control your anger as a way to practice for future relationships!  I have often wondered why we are nicer, politer to strangers in the grocery line than we are to our own family - those we profess to love most.  Why do we come home and vomit our anger at home?  Kind of like crapping in our own beds.  Not very wise.

I saw a question that pushed my buttons today:  If you only had two weeks to live, and wanted to go home...where would you go?

I had a mini film clip of family and friends and places we have been roll through my mind, and came here, to this time and this place.  But I would draw my family close, starting with my children. I love this house, I love this hill, I love this lake.  This feels like home.  But it's the personalities that make it home, more than the place.  Kids, grandkids, sisters, the dogs and the queen of the household cat, some close friends.

I also thought of the way we wait until we are close to death to make peace, to remind people that we love them...

We had a contra dance last week.  A couple from another meeting came.  They are gracious, generous, welcoming people.  During the dance, I saw her go downstairs and get a pitcher of water and a glass for each of the band members.  I didn't think of that.  I am not gracious.  I still don't notice others enough.

This is something I have to work on!

Love and hugs,

Clare

Note- read an account by a man who was attacked my a large cat and thought he was going to die.  He said the moment of almost transition was ecstatic.