Sadness

Clare,
It is Good Friday…
The saddest day of the year.
Goodness and love were mocked and killed…
and yet, they survived and grew.

Last evening I had my own Gethsemane.
That's a bit overstated, but that is what it felt like.
My youngest had a breakdown.
He spent much of the day trying to convince us that he did not deserve to be punished for sneaking out last weekend. We held firm and explained that he was going to be grounded, explained our reasons, calmly and consistently. This went on for hours.
He started yelling, cursing, threatening to runaway, take an overdose, get so intoxicated that he wouldn't care anymore.
I got re-dressed and told him we were going to the ER because he needed help …
now.
He ran out, let air out of my tires so that I couldn't drive…
I was about to call Crisis intervention...
and then we talked some more.

He finally broke down and told me how grey and flat his life seems. He said he only feels alive when he gets high or drunk. He is depressed. The whole thing is so very sad. I promised to get him some help. Maybe medications are the way to go…
maybe that is better than self-medication. I hate the idea of chemical alteration…
but anti-depressants seriously helped me…
maybe it is the answer.

The older one actually helped talk to him. He tried to show him how circular his logic was…
how he wasn't making sense. It helped to have that other voice coming through.

So, today I have to find someone to help my boys.
Someone very special who they can relate to..and yet who knows enough to choose wisely.
Hold all of us in the Light, please.

I am so very sad today.
Maggie