suffering revisited

Let me explain what I mean about suffering...
Take the example of physical pain. Pain can lead to significant suffering, but it doesn't have to.
Pain is a cycle which amplifies itself as time goes on, it feeds upon itself.
When we feel pain in the body we analyze it.
If it something we have felt before and understand it to be benign, we forget about it or at least put it out of our direct consciousness....and we move on.
But, say we have a new pain...
we are unfamiliar and so we focus on it...
analyze it...
let our imagination consider the potential sources of that pain.
Is it cancer, an infection, an aneurysm?????
This attention or attachment to the pain amplifies  it and makes it more acute. Most people would also tend toward tension when they have uncertain pain...tensing muscles without being aware of it...causing spasm and more pain...and the cycle builds upon itself until the pain has indeed created suffering in our life. One of the keys to the treatment of pain is to break the cycle with relaxation techniques that take the mind away from the pain...allow detachment from the pain...relief.

Does this make sense?
I could construct a similar scenario for anger, anxiety, depression, grief. It is our attachment to the  negative that causes suffering. It is also possible to attach ourselves to a positive experience and cause suffering as well...such as the endorphin highs, eating disorders, plastic surgery...all meant to make us feel better but we cling to them and want even more.

This morning, as I was meditating, I felt led to open my email...a very strange leading I admit. I scrolled down to the bottom and found the series of emails shared between our family members that started this dialogue. As I read through them I became increasingly upset by the abrupt ending catalyzed by our youngest siblings' request to keep this all private and neat. I realized that I have been clinging to those email which have allowed me to re-read those exchanges and have repeatedly caused me anger and frustration...I have attached myself to them ad they are causing me suffering. Today I deleted all of them. No more looking back to hoard that anger and resentment. I will live on from this moment and make my life one without secrets and shame.
I will look people in the eye and say
I am a survivor...
no I am a thriver.
Me too!

I am preparing for my class which begins on Monday. I am looking forward to teaching again. I have heard nothing further from 2 of my interviews...so I will proceed as planned with university teaching until something opens up.

I love the dream...especially that you persevered despite it being so physically arduous. You clawed and crawled your way to the summit even though others were walking and passing you by. You were humbled but not shamed...you made the journey. In spite of that you arrived at the same place that all of the others did, by a different route.
I love the Eiffel Tower in your dream...even though I was afraid to go to the top when I was visiting Paris...maybe next time.

I love you...
Blessings,
Maggie