frustration

So, those character traits identified by that Cracked blog are embedded into my psychological "tool kit".
I am working from the best tools that I have.
And yet last night I beat myself up about not being normal...
I am not like everyone else...
I know that being unique is a good quality,
but after my interview yesterday I wondered why I have to over-think, out-preform, and go over the top in my activities.

I thought that transitioning to social work would be easy...I just bring along an extra set of skills and life experiences...but I feel like such an anomaly when I go to interview. I have to justify my change in career paths...and then they look at me like I am crazy to give up medicine or that I must have failed in that field and needed to retreat. I may have to open a private practice just to be able to practice social work. I may be the only person who knows what I am capable of and will embrace what I have to offer.

Sorry, I am having a melt-down. I spent the past 3 years proving that I am capable of many things. I was rewarded for my hard work and accepted as a peer despite having a different path. Now I am having to prove myself all over again. I can't prove anything until someone gives me a chance. Most people get started in an agency and work their way up depending upon their competence. I can't even get a foot in the door because of my credentials. I am so frustrated! Last night I considered rewriting my CV without the medical education and practice, but that leaves a major gap in my life unexplained.

There is a lesson in all of this...
perhaps I am learning what it feels like to be unemployed.
Maybe I am supposed to understand what it is like to be different...but I've always been different.

I am just so frustrated by life right now.
I think that so many issues are brewing beneath the surface and I either have to let them boil over or find a lid strong enough to seal them in again. I want to cry, but the tears don't come. I have been snapping out at my youngest and then having to apologize time and time again. I want to run away, but have no place to go that will give me answers...I guess I should go within and listen...to the still small voice.
I should trust this process, I have no power to do anything but trust the process, but I want this stage to be finished...and yet I wait, and worry, and wonder about my journey.
Maybe I should just wander to find a path?

I hope that you have a peaceful day.
Love and Light,
Maggie