compassion

You are in that same place where all new graduates start...how do I get the position I want without experience, how do I get experience if no one will give me a chance???  And like everyone else, you have to be vulnerable and have faith.

I am not sure what I am feeling.  In the book I am reading - still reading Abraham,  someone asked a rabbi from the mideast how he could stand the violence of the region.  He said he looks for something good.  He noted a few good things.  And even though I have heard this before, I am working with this again.

The other thing that has been happening lately is that I feel compassionate.  I feel like I have this warm flow running from the Earth and through me.  I feel like I am on the border between healthy and chronically ill, and that is where the Earth is also.

Told you I'm being weird again...

But this compassion, it isn't personal, it's global.  I don't know how to put words on this.  But it is a good thing.

I had another day with the baby.  It was a little frustrating, but something in me decided to disempower time.  Time simply did not matter.  We were just together.  Somehow it made the day better.  As I mentioned before I sing to her, as I have sung to all of my grandchildren.  A favorite lullaby is Bob Dylan's Make You Feel My Love.  I love singing this to them.

It made such an impact on one, that I received a gift of a video of my oldest grandson singing it to me.  He made me cry...

But there's a line in the song about "the highway of regret."  I think about regret.  What is the moment I regret most?  My answer has changed recently.  In the past - I had a series of strange encounters with psychic people, all describing a specific man.  I met him, I was terrified, I walked away...I sort of ran.  I have regretted that moment of cowardice many, many times.  Recently, though, I realized that I regret another moment even more.  I don't even remember the moment, but I regret the first time I screamed at my child.  I regret that first betrayal.

I wish I could go to that self, just before I lost control, and could take that young mama in my arms and say,  "I know.  I know it hurts.  I know you feel like you are going crazy.  I know you don't think anyone loves you.  You're not alone.  It gets better - you get better.  I love you.  I love you so much.  Take time.  Calm down.  Right now, you can change history - let love triumph over pain."

Compassion.  Even for myself...

I love you, I honor you and your talents, I am grateful for you...

Clare