rings

I loved the image of the shell, and the widening influence one little entity can make.  For me, the image has always been of a pebble dropping gently into a pond.  I want to be like those ever widening rings of impact.  They move out - calmly, rhythmically, reliably.  I have often envisioned healing being like this.

I was thinking about the aunts clearing out all of grandma's stuff, and going back to what may be the sexism of our family - boys are more ignored and abused than girls.  But I'm not sure that is right.  I think the boys are abused and berated more openly.  The girls are abused secretly and sexually.  It gives the impression of protected the fragile flowers.  And as I write I consider that the boys are psychologically and emotionally abused more publicly, but their sexual abuse is also done in the dark.  We pretend that doesn't happen, I guess.

I have been wondering how Mom and Dad will do.  I mean, they moved all the time when we were young.  We all got good and just moving on, not really belonging.  Mom's sister is moving south with her kids.  Maybe that is what compelled Mom to go.  I asked if she was going to play organ.  She said no - she was ready to retire.  She might join a quilting circle, though.  She has always been a better joiner than Dad.

I was thinking they might feel comfortable because they are in a military community.  Maybe Dad will feel at home.  I can't imagine living in a small apartment with a small patio after living in a national forest.  But maybe it will seem different to me in 25 years.

I have been thinking about judging others.  I think it's hard not to judge.  I think that by observing others, and deciding if their process is successful or not leads us to try or reject their ideas.  We have to judge.  But maybe it is the competition.  We always have to be ranking ourselves, maybe that has leaked into our judgments, and has made it more violent than it should be - or than it has to be.

We keep having storms then sun.  It is chilly today.  I can't decide whether to hang laundry outside or not...

I love you, enjoy your week...

Clare