less than optimistic today

When did you stop Dancing?
When did you stop Singing?
When did you stop being enchanted by Stories?
When did you stop finding comfort in the sweet territory of Silence?

I started remembering when I began singing, just after my youngest was born. My stories came back to me in a more coherent and believable way. Before that, if I remembered any traumas, I would tell myself they were too outlandish to be trusted. That I must be mistaken. Then I started writing my stories in the form of lyrics, as I came to understand their influence and meaning on my life. I should begin to write again...I have several concepts in my brain, I just need to write them down. My biggest obstacle is that the woman with whom I collaborate wants to sell the songs and promote them...I just want to write and sing without any pressure of success or failure.

These are the art forms that can bring me to tears...they are a conduit to the deepest reaches of our soul.

I am honored that you have shared this with your daughter-in-law...it is a trustworthy place to share and vent. If it makes her feel less isolated and more cherished then she is most welcome. I shared the link with someone a while ago, at first I was conscious of their potential reaction, but that quickly passed. 
I was most worried when we invited our siblings to read and share...
but that turned out to be wasted anxiety...
they haven't accessed the blog as far as I can tell.

Today I am once again feeling like an anomaly. 
I did not get either of the jobs I interviewed for. 
I am being so hard on myself...why did I waste that time and money on education and I can't get a job! 
Who does that sound like? But I can't get that refrain out of my head. 
I know that patience is necessary. I know that the right thing will come along. 
I just feel so lost...where do I fit?
How am I supposed to get professional experience if no one will give me a chance?
What the hell do I have to do to impress an employer?
I have to be honest...but it's not working.
I just want to know that it is all worth it.

I am getting tired of being optimistic...Blessings,
Maggie