Secrets that define us...

I was actually trying to identify someone that I know who has been through recovery...I couldn't.
Especially when it comes to our family members.
We are a tremendously talented group of deniers...
and repressors....
but it seems that we would rather die with our secrets and addictions than live free of those secrets.
Why are family secrets so valuable to our family?
They are worth destroying lives and relationships over...
but why do they hold so much power and authority over our lives?

They define us.
They solidify our purpose.
They offer a common goal.
They offer something to be cohesive to.
They create a sense of ourselves...even though it is a false sense.
They give us something to protect and nurture...because we don't do that with each other.

They are a path to something much greater...
a path to freedom and enlightenment if only we have the eyes to see it and the courage to pursue it.
But that path requires a reversal of thinking and the opening of honest communication.
It's the path of Me Too...break the silence, break the cycle.
It's the Dark Night of the Soul that has intrigued me for the past 10 years or so. I prayed for a Dark Night and I am living through one...
the frustration...
the depression...
the separation...
the isolation...
I believe that I am coming out of the worst of it, but there is no guarantee. I just have to wait and live through what comes into my life.

I have come to realize that there is an opportunity hidden in the pain and dysfunction. The opportunity to overcome all of those circumstances and rise above what is expected. I am not saying that we should suffer. But we choose to hold onto suffering and prolong its effects on our lives. We can feel pain and not suffer. We can feel grief and not suffer. We can feel anger and not suffer. Suffering is attachment to the pain, grief and anger.

You speak of the joy that you feel in the relationship with your granddaughter and daughter. Without the sadness, grief, and other negative emotions you would not be capable of feeling joy. Brene Brown talks of numbing emotions and says, very wisely, you can't numb one without all of them being numbed. Tears are the vehicle for your being able to feel the joy and happiness of being with your family.

I wish that others could see the value in the journey...
but fear is paralyzing...
especially fear of the unknown.

Love and Light,
Maggie