I am back

Sorry Clare,
I have been at class and trying to catch up/keep up with homework.

To catch up...the trinities are cyclical, even the dependence-independence-interdependence cycles around sometimes in old age (and sometimes younger) to dependence again. In relationships we cycle through these as well...at times I find myself in each of these roles within my marriage...cycling.
It really makes me think...

When I think about becoming wild it isn't about outlandish, attention seeking behaviors...
I think of becoming more natural, trusting the universe and my intuition...
being courageous enough to walk the "road less traveled" because my gut tells me it is the right path at this time.
Wild is becoming synchronized with our animal nature, being interdependent with the earth and environment, rather than our ego driven intellect...does that make sense?

Sorry I didn't check in last night. It was a long, hard day. Last night I sat through a movie in class that tore at my heart. It was a documentary/indie film made about men who have survived sexual abuse as children. They spoke of the isolation and self-disgust, thinking they had somehow attracted the rapist and the sexual attack.
They spoke of their coping mechanisms; drugs and alcohol, multiple sexual partners, extreme busy-ness, repression of the memories, suicide attempts...
I sat there...tears welling up in my eyes...not wanting to draw attention to myself...trying desperately to hear their stories...and I was overwhelmed with sadness for our family.
The one young man said..."if this is how family, the ones who are supposed to love you, treats you then why would anyone else treat you any better?"
There is a young man in PA who is scheduled to be executed in early October, he killed 2 men when he was 18, they were perpetrators of sexual abuse to this man. In his original trial the abuse wasn't part of testimony (from what I understand). Many people signed petitions to consider life in prison rather than the death penalty. Last week the clemency board reviewed his case, they denied him clemency...he is going to die...what a sad society we live in.

I responded to sister #5's message. I thanked her for her thinking of me. I explained that  I did not disconnect...that I had been ignored because I made everyone uncomfortable with my disclosure...and that I was in contact with you, working with a therapist and doing well. She responded that she was confused about who disconnected from who. At least it was an attempt.

Tell me more about the book you are reading...
Thank you for noticing my absence...it means alot to know that you care.

Love and Blessings,
Maggie
PS- don't worry about whether or not people notice you losing weight...you are doing it for yourself, not them anyway.